http://www.healthychild.net/InSicknessandHealth.php?article_id=375
healthychild.net
Vickie Leonard, RN, FNP PhD, California Childcare Health Program

At birth, infants have no concept of their caregivers as separate from themselves, so the old phrase, “out of sight, out of mind” applies to very young infants. At around 6-8 months, infants begin to understand that parents and caregivers are separate from themselves.

By about 9 months, the infant can call up a remembered mental image of the parent when they are not present and realize that the parent is GONE! They have no way of understanding when or even whether the parent will return.

This experience makes many infants and young children anxious. This can happen even when a parent or caregiver puts an infant to bed at night and is in the next room. This is the beginning of that period of infant development marked by “separation anxiety”(SA).

It can be a challenging time for both early childcare and education (ECE) professionals and parents, but remember that it is a sign of important developmental gains for the infant
In the Childcare Setting

Starting childcare and separating from a primary caregiver are stressful experiences and commonly cause SA in young children. Nearly all children, even those reared at home, will experience some developmentally-appropriate anxiety when separated from their primary caregivers, usually between 6-20 months, and peaking at 13-18 months.

How a child expresses his or her feelings in the ECE setting will depend on the child’s personality, previous experiences with separation, and the response of the adults in the child’s environment. Common ways of expressing anxiety over separation are crying, “clinging,” and having tantrums.

While some separation anxiety is normal, a child is identified as having Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) when she or he experiences excessive anxiety around separation for at least four weeks.

Intervention is imperative for these children because treatments are often very effective and can spare the child a great deal of distress as he or she grows. Anxiety disorders are commonly overlooked in children, which means children often do not get the interventions they deserve.

Between 8-12 percent of children suffer from anxiety severe enough to interfere with daily functioning, and this anxiety also can lead to other mental health problems. ECE settings can provide a valuable point of access to the mental health system for children who need mental health services and might not otherwise receive them.
Symptoms

The first sign of SAD usually is that the child refuses to go to childcare. The child may do this directly by verbalizing his distress, or indirectly by complaining of headaches or stomachaches.
The child also may have a temper tantrum in the morning while getting ready, or cling excessively when a parent attempts to leave him or her at childcare. The child with SAD does not have a specific fear, but rather a more general concern about separation from the primary caregiver. The anxious behavior occurs in any setting in which the child is separated from the caregiver.
Ways to Help

To help the infant or toddler who is experiencing separation anxiety, and to prevent SAD in the childcare setting, providers should encourage parents to follow these recommendations:

* Accompany the child for a trial visit before starting in the childcare program. Another option is to have a phase-in period during which parent and child visit the program together over several days before the parent actually goes back to work.
* Stay with the child for a short period of time when dropping the child off at childcare.
* Make sure the child is not tired or hungry when dropped off at childcare.
* Resist the temptation to come back to check on the child once he/she has been left.
* Avoid sharing personal anxiety over separation with the child. That will only confirm what the child already fears.
* Learn the names of the caregivers and the other children, and know what the routine is. This will help the parent talk with the child about the new people in her or his life and about what to expect in the childcare setting.
* After picking the child up, spend time talking about what happened during the day and praise the child’s accomplishments.
* Offer the child a “transitional object” such as a photograph, blanket or cuddly toy that stands in for the parent. This helps remind the child that he or she is loved and the parent will return.
* Pay attention to and acknowledge one’s own feelings about leaving the child; this helps to process those feelings.

Prevention

Can separation anxiety be prevented? There are techniques that can be used by caregivers to help children better understand separation.

* Play separation and return games like peek-a-boo and “where is the baby?” with infants and toddlers.
* Offer comfort during the day to the child with anxiety over separation. Praise the child for participating in activities.
* Identify the child’s interests and involve her or him in them immediately upon arrival.
* Avoid moving quickly or touching the child unless you are sure the child wants to be touched.
* Try “parallel playing” next to the child, and let the child direct any interaction between the two of you.
* Pair the children with a “buddy” who can help the child learn new routines and explain the physical environment.
* Say in words what you think the child is feeling, particularly if the child is sad or crying. Reassure the child that his or her parent(s) will return at a specific time.
* Read books like Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman, The Good-Bye Book by Judith Viorst, The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, and Benjamin Comes Back by Amy Brandt.
* Repeat familiar nap or mealtime routines from home.

After consistently applying these strategies for a month, talk with the family about seeking professional help if any of the following problems still exist:

* The child is inconsolable even after the parent has been gone for a long time;
* The child’s anxiety worsens; or
* The child’s anxiety becomes so overwhelming that the child is unable to do anything when the parent is not there.

http://baby.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Toddler_Separation_Anxiety
lovetoknow.com

Toddler separation anxiety is a common emotional and developmental phase that all toddlers experience at least to some degree. Sometimes it only occurs occasionally, while for other babies, it appears to be a daily ritual. You love your little guy, and it hurts you to see him so unhappy, but what’s a parent to do?

Can Your Baby Love You Too Much?

Well, that question is easy! Of course not! In fact, I’m sure you’ve been secretly pleased when your toddler won’t have anything to do with anyone but you. You’ve probably experienced a few moments of hidden glee when your darling ran to your arms instead of into your mother-in-law’s, right? Don’t worry! Those feelings are natural! After all, in your toddler’s world, you are everything!

Still, there have probably been times when his obsession has gone a tad overboard. Remember how you longed for a few precious moments of privacy as you walked into the bathroom with your toddler clinging to your leg? Sometimes, a toddler can become so obsessed that all she has to do is watch her beloved parent walk into another room, and she’ll cry hysterically as she runs after mom or dad.
How Long Will Toddler Separation Anxiety Last?

With the exception of the first day of school in your child’s elementary years, trust me, eventually, your child will become much more focused on other happenings in his world instead of on how near or far he is in relation to you. Once he becomes a teenager, you’ll wish he was a little more focused on spending time with you!

Until then, try not to get too caught up in your child’s overemotional state. The worst of his separation anxiety should be over by around three years or so.
What Causes Toddler Separation Anxiety?

Remember when I told you that you are your toddler’s whole world? Well, that explains a lot of it. He doesn’t have a firm grasp on time. When you leave, you’re gone, and he doesn’t know when you are coming back. Some parents might reason that their child has problems with separation simply because they work all day. However, stay-at-home parents might reason that their child is so used to being with them, that they can’t stand to be separated at all! So you see, there really isn’t any one answer as to why it happens, or why it occurs more often and more intensely in some children more than others.

How Can I Help My Child Overcome Toddler Separation Anxiety?

No matter how flattering it is to know that your child appears to need you so desperately, you still want to help her through this emotional time in her life. How can you do that? Some of the following suggestions might help you and your child adjust to the time you have to spend away from each other, whether that time is an hour or two or a few days.

1. First, don’t sneak away! Even though this might make it easier for you, it won’t be easier on your toddler. Let her see you leave, even if it is through her tears! If you continue to sneak off, she’ll become even more worried that you might disappear at any time, making it difficult for you to walk from one room of your house to another!
2. Encourage your child to have a “lovey”, a transitional object, such as a blanket or stuffed toy that she can hold onto…in other words, a security blanket.
3. If you know you’re going to be gone for a longer than normal period, help your child work up to that separation by taking shorter breaks away from her.
4. If you are using a new babysitter, be sure you have the sitter come early so that all of you can spend some time together before you leave.
5. While you don’t want to sneak away from your baby, you can help her become involved in a fun activity that will occupy at least some of her attention as you leave.
6. Try to leave on a positive note. Sure, you’re little one may be clinging to your leg and staring up at you with large, tear-filled eyes, but you can respond with smiles, big hugs, and a happy good-bye. On the same note, make your homecoming just as pleasant. You want your baby to associate happy thoughts, not bad ones with your coming and going.
7. Finally, don’t feel guilty about your child’s overwrought emotions. Keep reminding yourself that this is a stage. She’ll get through it, and so will you!

http://www.massgeneral.org/children/adolescenthealth/articles/aa_separation_anxiety.aspx
massgeneral.org

Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) has been recognized as a disorder of children and adolescents for decades. It is a variant of a teen’s normal reaction to loss of contact with a parent or other close individual. SAD usually begins during childhood and is frequently accompanied by some impairment of functionality. Although the peak onset for SAD is at age seven to nine years, it may also begin during the teen years.

SAD may be a predictor of adult psychiatric difficulties. Studies have linked children with SAD to development of adult disorders including panic disorder, agoraphobia and generalized anxiety disorder. Studies with college students who have been diagnosed with SAD suggest that SAD is associated with eating disorders, adjustment problems and the onset of depressive disorders.

Who is likely to develop separation anxiety?

SAD shows some familial pattern with increased likelihood in siblings of children who have been diagnosed with the disorder. First-degree relatives such as parents of teens with SAD demonstrate high rates of anxiety and depressive disorders. Children of parents with panic disorders have a three fold higher risk for SAD, and the risk becomes ten fold if the parent has panic disorder plus major depression. It appears from community studies that SAD is equally distributed between the genders.

What are the symptoms of separation anxiety?

The teen with SAD will show symptoms of a distressing anxiety when separated from his or her parent. The adolescent worries excessively that an event will threaten the integrity of his or her family. In mild forms of SAD, the teen is able to tolerate brief periods of separation, but frequently requires assurances that the parent is fine. The teen is able to attend school, but may phone the parent frequently in order to be assured that he or she is safe.

However, for teens with significant SAD, behavioral problems may become manifest if a separation is to occur. The teen may have severe outbursts, arguments and violence against the parent or other authority who is initiating the separation. Teens with significant SAD may report physical complaints on school days and refuse to attend school.

How is separation anxiety evaluated?

A mental health clinician should evaluate any teen suspected of having SAD. The key elements in establishing the diagnosis may include some of the following:

*
Unrealistic worry about harm that could happen to a major attachment figure
*
Unrealistic worry that an event will cause a separation
*
School refusal or reluctance to attend school
*
Physical symptoms
*
Distress upon separation
*
Distress anticipating separation
*
Events last more than two weeks
*
Symptoms begin prior to age eighteen years

How is separation anxiety treated?

The main approach to therapy is behaviorally based, and a clinician experienced in these techniques should provide this. Family therapy is often necessary and is especially of benefit where family dysfunction complicates the teen’s clinical problems. An anxious parent who also may have a mental health disorder should be identified and treated since this frequently will help to reduce the functional impairment in the teen afflicted with SAD. Medications have been used including buspirone, fluoxetine or clonazepam, but their role is typically as an adjunct to behavioral interventions.

How is separation anxiety prevented?

A clinician experienced with this disorder should evaluate a child or teen who has early symptoms suggestive of SAD. Prior to adolescence, children with symptoms including difficulty in sleeping alone, intense distress at being left with a caretaker during preschool years and frequent school absences may suggestive of SAD. Early referral to a clinician and early treatment if indicated may help to prevent SAD affecting the adolescent.

http://www.preschoolerstoday.com/resources/articles/dontgo.htm
preschoolerstoday.com
By Heather Johnson Durocher

Nann Ashford remembers all too clearly the heart-wrenching mornings she endured sending her son off to preschool.

“I would have to put him on the bus and buckle him in,” Ashford, of Traverse City, Mich., recalls of bidding her 4-year-old son, Alex, good-bye. “He was crying and I would have to leave him on the bus crying. It was horrible.”

Teachers told Ashford that her son was fine once he arrived, but she still felt uneasy about the situation. “At home he wouldn’t talk about [what he did at preschool] and that scared me,” she says.

She also couldn’t ignore her son’s behavior at daycare later in the day. “He wouldn’t nap and he was disruptive,” she says, adding that his exhaustion made for chaotic evenings at home.

Alex was experiencing separation anxiety, which behavior experts say is normal, and even healthy, for preschoolers.

Just a Stage
“It’s a developmental step that parents have to work through,” says Susan Sundeen, an early childhood family education instructor in Woodbury, Minn. “Your child is, all of a sudden, discovering they are separate from you.”

A child may show his distress by becoming apprehensive about entering a new setting, not making eye contact with the teacher or caregiver, clinging to his parent or possibly throwing a temper tantrum.

“My sense is it is often a function of a child’s personality and temperament,” says Barbara Willer, deputy executive director of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. Some children adapt rather quickly while others are “a little more shy, a little more cautious about new situations,” she says.

Ashford discovered that her son fell into the latter category. After a month of frustrating mornings at the bus stop, she decided something had to change to make life easier for Alex – and herself. A more consistent schedule did the trick. She placed him into a new daycare providing in-house preschool every day. Ashford found that Alex’s behavior changed for the better when he wasn’t attending preschool only three mornings a week and at a place separate from his daycare.

Separation anxiety can be rough going for a family. Parents may wonder how long their child’s behavior will last, what they could be doing differently or if their child is even ready for more independence. Whether the child is beginning daycare, starting preschool or experiencing another new group setting without Mom or Dad, experts say recognizing children for who they are is critical.

“It’s important to pick up the clues from your children and be respectful of that,” says Sundeen. For example, parents should take notice of how their child reacts to different situations. Is she someone who can easily join a group of unfamiliar people? Is he the type to slowly warm up to new people? Based on these observations, parents can help make the transition from home to school or home to daycare a smoother one.

Prepare Everyone
Sundeen suggests talking with your children about what to expect: where the school or daycare is located, what activities they’ll be engaging in, when Mommy or Daddy will be back, etc. “When they don’t know what is happening is when the separation becomes the most difficult,” she says.

Practicing the separation beforehand – at home by using toys or books or leaving the room where your child is playing and then returning – is another good idea.

Debbie Bush from Interlochen, Mich., says keeping track of the days remaining before school began using a calendar and stickers helped her 4-year-old son, Alex, look forward to preschool. “The first time we went he was real clingy with me,” says Bush. “After that he did really well.”

Preparation goes both ways. “Parents have a tough time separating, too,” says Sundeen. “Parents need to think through [how they'll react] because children can sense any tension. You really have to think through the feelings the child is taking from you.”

Interact With Other Families
Willer suggests connecting with parents of children who will be in the same setting. Introducing children with a soon-to-be classmate or playmate may make them feel a little more comfortable when the program begins.

Bush says this was another factor in her son’s positive transition into preschool. Another child at his daycare was enrolled in the same preschool program, which provided him with a familiar face.

Communicate With the Teacher
“It’s really a team effort,” says Willer. Teachers and caregivers can offer insight into how a child is adjusting as well as brainstorm different strategies if problems persist. They also could offer advice on seeking further help if the child seems especially troubled, Willer says. “Typically you can try different adaptations that make this a successful situation.”

Sundeen and Willer agree that allowing a child to bring something special into the classroom or daycare may calm their fears.

“I’ve had kids come to class with pictures of their parents and that’s made all the difference in the world,” says Sundeen. She’s even had children make picture books during class to help them make the connection of home and school.

Even something small that they could keep in their pocket – a stone or a building block – may ease their minds, Willer says. “Talk to the child and find out what is special to them.”

Say Good-bye – And Mean It
As tough as it may be, parents must not prolong their good-byes. Keep it simple and try establishing a ritual, such as two kisses and a hug. “Always tell your child that you are leaving,” says Sundeen. “[Parents] may think it would be easier not to, but it’s only easier for the parent.”

It’s important for a parent to inform their child when they’ll return, too. Rather than say, “I’ll be back in two hours,” which a preschooler wouldn’t grasp, parents should run through the sequence of events. Tell them pick-up time is after they play, hear a story and have a snack, for example.

Willer also suggests letting a child know what comes after preschool. “I wouldn’t plan for either bribes or rewards, but if you want to plan that after you’ll do something that is special – going to the library, taking a walk – it’s often a way for them to look forward to something,” she says.

As challenging as separation anxiety may be, Sundeen and Willer say the problem most likely will pass before too long.

As Ashford discovered, a positive outcome is possible. Parents need to work with their child. “Let them know what is happening, what is going on, as simply and thoroughly as you can and answer their questions,” she says. “Sometimes he has clingy mornings and he wants a few extra hugs, but things are a lot better now.”

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/24107/symptoms_of_separation_anxiety_disorder.html?cat=5
associatedcontent.com
by Christopher Bibey

Separation anxiety disorder is a very serious problem. It most often affects children, but it can also be present in adults. The definition of separation anxiety disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual feels excessive anxiety when they are taken away from home or from
people to whom they have a strong emotional attachment with. This is why this disease is most often seen in children. Children often suffer from this disorder for the first time when they are sent off to school. Again, even though separation anxiety disorder is most common in children, it can occur in people of all ages and in many situations.

If you think you or your child is suffering from separation anxiety disorder you can seek professional help. But before you do, you may want to check and see if you are experiencing any of the symptoms associated with this disorder.

The main symptom of this disorder is when a person is overcome with extreme stress and anxiety anytime they are separated from home or from person that they are emotionally attached to. This often occurs with children when they have to leave their mother for the first time.

Another symptom that often occurs is when a person excessively worries about losing the subject that they are attached to. In other words, somebody who is attached to their mother may constantly worry that she is going to die.

In kids, a continual reluctance to go to school may be a symptom of separation anxiety disorder. If the problem happens on a consistent basis your child may be suffering from this disorder.

Also, in older people an excessive fear of being without their object of affection for an extended period of time may be a symptom of separation anxiety disorder.

The most effective way to get a proper diagnoses is by scheduling an appointment with your family doctor. Your doctor will be able to examine you and determine if you have this disorder. If you do, your doctor will also be able to set up different treatment options that may prove to be effective.

http://www.parenting.com/article/Baby/Development/Separation-Anxiety-Age-by-Age
parenting.com
By Suzanne Schlosberg

Until they were 11 months old, my twin boys were so nonchalant whenever I’d leave the room that they seemed like a couple of teenagers. As I’d head off to work, the boys would glance my way, then resume chewing on their barnyard animals or playing with their babysitter. They seemed to be thinking, “Eh, catch you later, Mom — whatever.” I figured: Phew! We dodged all the separation-anxiety drama that had stressed out so many of my friends. (Hey, maybe we’d get lucky and bypass the terrible twos, too!)

But then one morning, reality struck big-time. As I opened the door to leave, Ian, the small, scrappy one, began rolling around the floor, wailing as if stricken by food poisoning. Toby, his chubby, gentle brother, clung to my leg, bawling so hard he could barely breathe. I was heartbroken, and totally flummoxed. I had no clue why it was happening or what approach would be easiest on the boys.

“Separation anxiety can happen almost overnight, which makes it shocking to parents,” says Sara Abbot, associate director of the Family Resource Counseling Center in Los Angeles. What’s more, it’s often not just a one-time, babyhood phase for many kids. The tears and fears related to being apart from Mom or Dad can resurface in the toddler and preschool years, posing new challenges for parents and warranting different
solutions. As disheartening as that may sound, it can be very helpful to remember that separation anxiety is completely normal, even healthy. “From the earliest years of life, we should want children to encounter ordinary adversity because it’s practice for building resilience,” says Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., coauthor of I Just Want My Kids to Be Happy! Why You Shouldn’t Say It…. Fortunately, there’s plenty you can do to minimize your child’s angst, as well as your own, along the way.

the first strike: babyhood

Though the timing can vary from child to child, separation anxiety typically first hits around 8 months, when babies suddenly grasp that their parents exist apart from them, says Abbot. “Literally, it’s like, boom! They understand you can leave.” They don’t, however, understand that you’re coming back. This anxiety may last several weeks, or even a few months, until your child realizes that you’re not, in fact, abandoning him for life — you’re just going to the bathroom.

how to get through it:

start early  By 6 months, introduce your baby to other regular caregivers, such as relatives or a babysitter. “Your child needs practice being away from you, hopefully well before preschool,” says Alex Barzvi, Ph.D., clinical director of the New York University Child Study Center’s Institute for Anxiety and Mood Disorders. “You want someone else to hold and talk to your kid a little differently.” These experiences may minimize her anxiety later on when you’re not around.

keep your goodbye short  A quick “Bye, James, see you this afternoon!” is ideal. “Prolonging the departure gives your child the idea that there’s something to be afraid of,” Barzvi says. But here’s the really tough part: Try not to let the sobbing lure you back. Reappearing after you’ve left only gives your child incentive to cry harder and longer next time.

match your body language to your words  “Your child can sense your confidence as you walk out the door,” Cooper says. Flash a smile, give a cheerful wave. You’ll be faking it, of course, but she won’t know that yet. She’ll just know that you feel good about who she’s with — and she can, too.

avoid sneaking off  Parents often dash out the door when the child isn’t looking, hoping — understandably! — that this will preempt a meltdown. “But that’s tricking your child, and it can break your child’s trust in you,” Barzvi says. Instead, first ask your caregiver to redirect your child’s attention right after you leave with a favorite toy, a game of peekaboo, or some new music (whatever), then say your quick goodbye.

the peak: toddlerdom

For some kids, separation anxiety vanishes before toddlerhood; for others, that’s when it starts, peaking sometime between 12 and 24 months and bringing a more potent dose of distress. “This is when children develop a strong sense of attachment to the parent,” says Barzvi. “You’ll see tantrums or screaming or hysterical crying.” (Worried your child’s reaction is extreme? Visit Separation Anxiety in the Extreme for more info.) What’s also at play now is their desire to have some control over their lives, says Abbot. They know by now that you’re coming back, but they would prefer that you stick around. And because they also know that wailing will usually get a
reaction, they give it their best shot.

how to get through it:

develop a goodbye ritual  For example, whenever you have to leave your toddler at daycare, give her two kisses and a high five. “The ritual creates order around the departure for both parent and child,” says Abbot. And that provides security.

give your child a small job  When Ilene Siringo’s 23-month-old son, Luca, hit a particularly clingy phase, she started asking him to “shut the door for Mommy” when she left for work. This little responsibility made the transition a lot easier. “He likes to help, and he gets to have control of the door,” says Siringo, an optometrist in New York City. This strategy can also work with kids who get anxious when you have to leave the room. For instance, if you need to get the laundry, give your child a sweater to “fold” until you get back.

provide an ETA  “A child this age doesn’t understand ‘three hours,’ but you can say, ‘I’ll be back after snack time,’ ” Abbot advises. And do your best to return when promised. It’s tempting to think he won’t know the difference if you’re significantly late, but at some point he will — and you can’t predict when. If you’re heading out for a late night, tell him you’ll see him in the morning.

remind your toddler that you always return  When Anna Zirker’s twin boys were 2, she put her own twist on this trick: “When they’d say, ‘Mommy, don’t go,’ I’d ask, ‘What does Mommy do when she leaves?’ and they’d say, ‘Mommy comes back,’ ” says Zirker, of Bend, OR. Still works every time.

the relapse: preschool age

For parents, this may be the most exhausting form of separation anxiety. Just when you think your child’s developed a little independence, the tantrums and tears come roaring back, usually thanks to a new stress such as a new sibling, going to school, an illness in the family, or moving to a different house. Fortunately, the anxiety relapse usually lasts only a few weeks, according to experts. “With a sibling, it’s about attention,” says Abbot. “They worry that they come second now, that their parents are going to forget about them.” In the case of a new school, the child knows that Mommy will come back but may nonetheless feel unsafe or uncertain without her. “Suddenly the child is in an unfamiliar place and isn’t sure whom to trust. Plus, he has to share the attention of the teacher with all these other kids,” says Abbot. No wonder some of them get overwhelmed!

how to get through it:

let your child know it’s okay to feel nervous  Catch yourself if you reflexively say, “Be a big boy.” Instead, give your child a hug and say something like “I know that you’re nervous. Let’s think of another time you were scared but it was okay. Remember the first time in the pool?” You’ll help show him that his feelings are normal — and that he’ll be able to handle them. “We’re often so proud of an autonomous child that we don’t fully appreciate that the stepping-stone toward that autonomy involves a decent amount of dependence,” says K. Mark Sossin, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Pace University.

plan some extra one-on-one time  After Jennifer Lehr brought home her new baby, her 2½-year-old daughter, Jules, threw a fit whenever Lehr had to tend to little Hudson. So Lehr decided to make a point of giving Jules extra attention, especially when she’d fix her meals. “I’d slow down and let her be involved,” says Lehr, who lives in Los Feliz, CA. “We’d make a smoothie, and Jules would drop in the fruit and pour in the milk and push the button.” Experts say the additional one-on-one time makes the child feel confident in the parent’s love and less threatened.

develop a predictable bedtime routine  This is a good idea in general, but it can be especially helpful when your child is going through a tough time. It helps show him that there is order in his world. You can even make a posterboard listing the exact times of nighttime tasks. For example: 6:00, dinner; 6:20, bath; 6:40, pajamas; 6:45, brush teeth; 6:50, storytime; 7:00, bedtime.

do your best not to cave in  A preschooler who is experiencing separation anxiety may also regress in other ways, such as asking for her pacifier back or insisting on sleeping with you. When you’re exhausted or fed up, it’s only natural to take the path of least resistance and ease up on the rules you’ve established. “But more than anything, a kid needs structure and routine,” Barzvi says. “If you give her Binky back, it’s going to make
it a lot harder to take it away again. Instead of altering the routine, give your child extra hugs and kisses. Plus, by maintaining the sameness, you’re sending the message that there’s nothing wrong.” Of course, we all give in sometimes. So if you find yourself being more flexible than you planned, cut yourself slack and try again.

http://www.care.com/child-care-child-care-challenges-separation-anxiety-p1017-q14738.html
care.com
Christine Koh

Dealing with separation anxiety can be harrowing for parents. The wails and tears elicit guilt and anxiety, as parents worry both about their child’s emotional state and the caregiver’s ability to handle the situation. Here are some pointers to help parents and caregivers work through the challenges of separation anxiety.

* Remember that the behavior is normal. Although some kids never experience separation anxiety, for most, separation anxiety typically emerges around 9 to 12 months,and sometimes as early as 6 months, and can come and go through a child’s early years. After babyhood, bouts of separation anxiety tend to crop up in the presence of other life stressors, such as moving, travel, divorce, or a new caregiver or classroom.

* Time your departure strategically. If possible, time your departure with a fun distraction for your child. We have found departures to be easier when we leave in time for the sitter to break out a new toy or offer a fun snack or fruit dessert we have prepared.

* Allocate extra time. Whether during day care dropoff or once the sitter arrives at your home, prepare to spend a little more time to help your child get engaged in an activity before you leave.

* Talk it out. As you prepare to leave, tell your child, for example, that you will be back after their fun day of playing with friends, doing art activities, reading books, and eating snacks. These reminders can help get kids excited about being at school.

* Keep departures brief. Parents often want to run back and offer consolation when their child cries, but every time you do this you train your child to keep crying so you come back. It’s easiest for everyone if you keep your goodbyes short and sweet. Children typically recover soon after you leave.

* Get your game face on. Your child is well attuned to your emotions. If you exude calm and confidence, they will feel more trusting of their caregiver, whereas if you look anxious and worried, they will mirror your emotions. Say your goodbyes with a confident smile and wave to help your child get off to a better start.

* Don’t ask if it’s OK to leave. Remember that you are in charge. Do not ask permission to leave; your child will likely say no!

* Do not sneak out. Resist the urge to sneak out to avoid a painful separation. Sneaking out will only cause your child confusion when they turn around and discover that you are gone, and repeated sneak outs will erode their trust.

* Use a transition object. Transition objects can be very helpful for kids experiencing separation anxiety. Younger kids often find comfort in a favorite blankie or stuffed animal. Older kids may find it comforting to keep a small reminder of mom or dad in their pocket, such as an inexpensive pendant or a small smooth stone from a recent family beach trip.

* Caregiver consistency. Kids like consistency, so whenever possible, try to book the same sitter, or opt for a family member or teacher from the day care. This will also help you feel more comfortable leaving. If you are confident in the way the caregiver distracts and handles the separation anxiety, you’ll feel more comfortable leaving.

* Trust your caregiver. Make it clear to your caregiver that it is OK to call you if there are problems. If you know the caregiver will call you if they need you, you won’t feel guilty and compelled to call in every 30 minutes, which can break the rhythm the caregiver has established with your child.

* Trust your instincts. The degree and length of separation anxiety varies from child to child, but if the separation anxiety is prolonged, think about whether a change needs to be made. This could be related to factors such as the caregiver arrangement or stress in the home.

* Drop off solo. Separation invariably is more difficult with both parents present. Have one parent do drop off, or if both parents commute together, have one parent say their goodbyes in the car, and the other take the child in to handle drop off.

Separation anxiety can be stressful, but it is a normal developmental experience that will pass. And while separation anxiety can be difficult to work through, the upside is that it reflects that you have established a firm bond with your child.

http://www.brighthub.com/education/early-childhood/articles/44141.aspx
brighthub.com
by Amanda88

Preschool separation Anxiety is a set of behaviors exhibited when they are forced to transition to a new situation; in this case, starting preschool or daycare. Although there can be many causes it often stems from fears of the unknown, of being left alone in the company of strangers, or of the caregiver not returning. Behaviors may include crying, temper-tantrums, whining, clinging on to the caregiver, and sulking.

Parents sometimes underestimate their children’s fears and are caught off-guard by these behaviors. What makes the scene worse is that they are usually in front of the new parents, students, and teachers. All preschool parent information given at the time of orientation should include a section on preschool transition ideas in preparation for such an event. For those who did not have an orientation or did not have these ideas presented to them this article is for you.
Helpful Tips for Child

* Prior to the new school year talk about school and daycare: Discuss what children do there, what games they are likely to play, and adventures they will go on. Look for books on the subject or make up stories of a successful preschooler.

* Increase the time away from your child: If you are a caregiver that does not spend much time away from your child start now. Increase time spent away from your child at intervals to emphasize the fact that you are coming back. Give them positive feedback to how good they were when you were gone.

* Discuss feelings with your child: Tell them it is OK to feel sad and to cry, but that temper-tantrums are not allowed. Preschoolers are experts at temper-tantrums by this age. Consistency in correcting these maladaptive behaviors is paramount.

* Plan an activity with your child after school: Keep reminding the child that they need to successfully get through the day in order to do this activity. It does not need to be a gift-type reward. Examples could include going to the library, going on a special bike ride, or doing a craft project at home. If the child does not make it through the day do not go through with the activity. Try again the next day.

* If you are able to, visit the school prior to the first day. Familiarity may decrease many fears a child may have. Introduce them to the teacher as well so they can put a face and a place with the name. Referring back to the first idea, if making up stories about school put the newly learned teachers name in the story line.

* If possible arrange your child to have play-dates with other children in their classroom-Again, familiarity may be the key to success.

Helpful Tips for Caregivers

* Remember that you are not alone: Almost all children go through a phase of separation anxiety at some point of their young lives. The other parents witnessing your child’s display are probably sympathizing with you.

* Avoid rescuing: Although it is hard not to give in to your child’s demands, especially when they are making a scene, doing so may make matters worse next time. If children know that you will give in eventually they will “up the ante.” There are exceptions to this exercise. You have a comfort zone, stick by it. Discuss options your preschool might have. Some preschools have a certain timeframe they will allow the child to cry such as five minutes. After that they ask the caregiver to return so the child is not put in extreme distress. Other preschools have an observation room where you can watch your child hopefully deescalate, thus putting your mind at ease.

* Ask your preschool teachers for advice on how they have handled this situation in the past. You are not the first, and unfortunately will not be the last, caregiver going through this. If possible tag-team your little one. If everyone is on the same page, breaking these behaviors will become easier.

In Conclusion

Do what you can to educate yourself during this time. See what works for you and your family. Hopefully this transition into preschool or daycare will be a happy one, but if not you are now prepared in how to turn it into one.

Read more: http://www.brighthub.com/education/early-childhood/articles/44141.aspx#ixzz0aWPFaVVP

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1848
cyh.com

What is separation anxiety?

* Infants during the first few months of life become attached to their main carer or carers (usually their parents). This is because they learn that their carer can provide love, attention, comfort and nourishment.
* A child generally starts worrying about being away from carers when he is old enough to know that there are special people in his life who look after him, and when he can clearly recognise the difference between family members and strangers.
* Knowing that the special person(s) is near helps the child to feel safe as he takes his first steps into a big and scary world.
* When the child’s special person is not there, the child becomes upset – often this brings the parent or carer back, and the child feels safe again.
* If a pattern is established where the special person always comes back after small separations, the child eventually learns that the world is a safe place, and he is able to be happy when the special people aren’t there.
* The separations need to be very short at first, because the child does not understand that their special person will be coming back. It takes a long time – years – for the child to feel safe when the special person is not there.

Bedtime

* From about 6 months of age, children may get upset at bedtime, or even when the parent leaves the room – these are separations.
* Children don’t yet understand that their parents may still be close by when they cannot see them.
* A child may try to follow the parent to keep her or him in sight, and can get very “clingy”.
* This behaviour usually gets worse until the child is about fifteen to eighteen months old, and then gradually goes away as the child becomes more confident.
* See our topic Sleep in early childhood for more ideas about managing distress at bedtime.

Staying with others

* Babies can become attached to more than one special person, and this is healthy for them because they have more “safe” people to rely on.
o However if there are a lot of people sharing the baby’s care, this can be very difficult for the baby. A baby in day care, for example, will find it much less stressful to become attached to one or two carers only. Having many carers should be avoided. See our topic Choosing child care.
* Usually it takes until children are three or four years old for them to feel safe even for a short time when they are away from people they know and trust.
o This means that toddlers may often become distressed on separation from parents and carers when being dropped off at child care centres. However, this distress is often short-lived, and many children do thrive in the safe environment of a child care centre.
* Children may be upset at the time that a parent leaves them, be relaxed and happy with the person caring for them, then upset again when the parent returns and they ‘remember’ that they were left. This is not ‘manipulative’ – it is normal child development, and shows that the child still does not feel really comfortable when the parent is not there, but is learning how to manage.
* By the time children commence kindergarten (at around four years of age) or school (five or six years), they will be better able to manage an extended period of time without having a parent or special carer around, although some children will have difficulty with this even have at four or five years. See our topic Starting school.
* Some young children do not show any distress on separation. This may be because they do feel safe (some are more easy-going than others; some have already learnt that they are safe and their parents will always come back), or it may be because they have learnt that getting upset does not bring their trusted person back, and they have given up.

Other times when children are likely to be anxious

Because very young children don’t have an understanding of time and distance, even small separations can be frightening. Some separation times which may be stressful are:

* when a parent leaves the room
* if the mother is going to hospital to have a baby
* if the child goes to hospital
* when the parents go out at night.

What parents can do

All children have to learn to deal with separations. It is part of learning about life. If the first separations are managed well, it helps children with the separations they will have to deal with all through their lives.

* Always make sure that your child will be safe and well looked after at the place where you are leaving her, so that you can feel confident in assuring her that she will be fine.
o If possible, help her get to know any new situation or carer while you are there. It can take some time for her to feel comfortable if she is very anxious – you may have to stay with her at child care or preschool until she feels safe to let you go.
o If your baby or young child is going to child care, try to find a place where there will be only one or two people who will be her special carers and who will usually be there when she is there.
o If you can, stay with your child until she gets to know her carer. If you show that you trust and like the carer, it will help your child to know that she is safe.
* Always say goodbye, even if you have to go while she is upset. This builds trust. Sneaking out or trying to get away may make a child feel that you can’t be trusted.
* When going out, try to leave the child with someone he knows and trusts.
* Let him keep his comforter (dummy, teddy or blanket) if he has one.
* Show that you understand his feelings, eg. “I know you wish I could stay. I wish I could stay with you too”.
* Let the child mind something of yours (such as a bag or keys) when you are not there.
* Help him to know when you will be coming back. Tell him in ways he understands, eg. “after lunch”.
* Be reliable and always come back when you say you will. If for some reason you can’t get back on time, let the carer know, so that she will be able to tell your child what has happened.
* Have lots of little practice separations, eg, play Peek-a-Boo and Hide and Seek (and make sure to be easy to find!). This helps the child learn that you always come back.
* Read stories about separations. There are many children’s stories on this topic, including fairy tales.
* Sometimes if children are away from parents during the day they seem to want to make up time at night by staying up late. Try to give them extra time with you in the evenings.

Note: Sometimes when a child has been separated (eg. in childcare) and has seemed quite happy, his behaviour changes if his mother stays home with him again, eg. she leaves work to have another baby. The child may become clingy and seem to be going backwards. This is the child’s way of working through the separation now that he has you there and feels safe. If he is allowed to cling he will move forward again when he is ready. Pushing children away or expecting them to grow up more quickly than they are ready to doesn’t help.

http://www.babiestoday.com/articles/baby-behavior/stranger-and-separation-anxiety-and-babies-3125/
babiestoday.com
By Kelly Burgess

It’s an adorable sight – up to a point: a big-eyed toddler tucking her little head into her mommy’s neck when someone speaks to her. But when that shyness turns to screaming, it can be stressful and embarrassing – especially if that “stranger” is actually her grandma!

According to Brenda Nixon, parenting speaker and author of Parenting Power in the Early Years (WinePress Publishing, 2001), stranger anxiety and its cousin, separation anxiety, won’t last forever, but may continue to occasionally make an appearance for as long as five years. The good news is that it’s also a perfectly normal reaction that shows that your child is beginning to understand some very fundamental facts about his or her little world.

Different Terms, Same Reaction
Stranger anxiety and separation anxiety are not the same thing, but they both often result in a crying, clinging baby. With stranger anxiety, a child will react negatively to the face of someone she perceives to be new. The key word there is “perceive” because at this age, a child’s memory is still developing, and toddlers will forget someone they don’t see often.

Separation anxiety, on the other hand, often begins at about 6 months, when the child begins to learn that Mommy (or Daddy) still exists even if she can’t see them. Before that it was out of sight, out of mind. Now they know the person they want is just around the corner – and can probably be brought back with a loud yell.

“Although this may be frustrating to the parent that the child doesn’t want to be separated from, it is actually a bonding compliment,” says Nixon. “Socially, the child is learning how to cope with fearful situations.”

Answering Anxiety
Whether it’s separation anxiety or stranger anxiety, Nixon says that the first time it happens, a parent needs to be very reassuring.

“We need to be respectful of our child’s feelings and adapt our parenting style to their particular needs at the moment,” says Nixon. “It’s important to stay very calm and be reassuring. Then, when the situation is less volatile, take a look at what happened, and try to find out if there is a mitigating factor, such as hunger or fatigue.”

With separation anxiety in a preschool situation, Nixon, like most experts, says that walking away is generally the best thing to do, but there’s not always one right answer either. A parent has to trust her judgment and remember that she knows her child best.

However, Nixon does urge parents to remember that their child is very young and has a different perception of time and importance than an adult. If a parent is going to leave an upset child, he or she should look the child in the eye and say, “I remember where you are.” After all, your child sees you lose your keys, the walk-around phone or the shopping list; as far as they’re concerned, you may “lose” them as well.

“Reassure them that you won’t forget them and that you’ll be back to get them, and then turn and walk briskly away,” says Nixon. “If you hesitate, it sends a message that you’re not really sure of leaving them there. It’s always hard to ignore a child’s tears and push them to confront their fears, but you also want them to grow in independence.”

Separation Myths and Facts

Myth: Staying home with your child is more likely to result in a child with separation or stranger anxiety.

Fact: There is no evidence that a child with a stay-at-home parent is more clingy or more prone to anxieties than a child who has been in alternate care situations.

Myth: Children with stranger anxiety may have been abused.

Fact: Highly unlikely. Stranger anxiety is a very natural part of a child’s development and merely a testament to the bonding process he or she has created with close family and friends.

Myth: Overly protective mothers will cause separation anxieties in children.

Fact: Separation anxiety has little to do with the mother and much to do with the child’s temperament. Some children are merely more socially inclined than others.