http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4743206_cross-dressing-affect-heterosexual-relationship.html
ehow.com
By Lauren Vork

Cross Dressing In Heterosexual Relationships
1. While the term “cross-dressing” is sometimes applied to women in men’s clothing, there is generally very little stigma attached to this behavior in contemporary U.S. society. Instead, the term usually refers to men dressing in any clothing that is considered exclusively feminine, such as dresses, skirts, bras, panties or high-heeled shoes. Though cross-dressing in men is often associated with homosexuality, it is actually a more common practice among heterosexual men. According to Ellen Sherman of “Self-Help Magazine,” an estimated 1 percent of the straight male population engages in this behavior privately. Though this behavior often makes loved ones, particularly romantic partners, uncomfortable, the American Psychiatric Association does not recognize cross dressing as a disorder. Cross dressers cite many reasons for enjoyment of the activity, including sexual enhancement and a feeling of relaxation (Dr. Ellen Sherman, “The Real Truth About Crossdressing,” see Resources).
Misconceptions and Discomfort
2. One of the chief problems that cross-dressing can cause for a heterosexual relationship is a fear on the part of the woman based on a misconception of what the behavior signifies. Many women will worry that their boyfriends or husbands are really gay or transgender. They may have a difficult time being reassured on these points. Other problems for women in relationships with cross-dressers can include a culturally ingrained discomfort with the blurring of gender roles and a diminishing of attraction to her partner once she knows he enjoys playing the role of a female. It is common for women in this situation to feel that their partners can and should go to therapy to have the problem “cured.” (Anne Vitale, Ph. D. “Couple’s Therapy When The Male Partner Crossdresses,” see Resources).
Insecurity
3. Men who are particularly insecure about their cross-dressing pastime can become defensive and even aggressive if their female partners discover the truth. Such a man may feel an overwhelming need to express his masculinity through misogynistic and homophobic means, which can put a major strain on the relationship with his female partner and others (Anne Vitale).
Secrecy and Infidelity
4. For men who feel they must keep their cross-dressing desires a secret from their partners, but still wish to openly bring cross-dressing into sexual activities with another, infidelity can become a problem. This can create added feelings of betrayal if and when the main partner discovers the full truth.
Acceptance
5. As education and acceptance of cross dressing (and other non-standard sexual behaviors) becomes more widespread, more heterosexual couples are successfully and happily living openly with the knowledge of a cross-dressing male partner. Though the help of a supportive therapist is sometimes required, more men are able to work to dismiss feelings of shame, unworthiness and the worry that there is just something “wrong” with them. Meanwhile, a woman can learn to accept that her male partner’s cross-dressing is not a sign that he is less interested in her sexually or interested in changing his sexual identity. A woman can even express a sense of fun and enjoyment associated with her partner’s habits, as well as pleasure that he is able to fully trust her and be himself (Anne Vitale).

http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/am-i-bi
selfhelpmagazine.com
by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.

Question: I’m a woman who thinks of herself as heterosexual. However, I also like to fantasize about sex with other women. Sometimes I go to lesbian clubs to flirt. This is very exciting for me but I struggle with the ethics. Am I bi or a lesbian pretending to be heterosexual? Or am I really heterosexual? I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not, and I don’t want someone to fall for me if I’m not available. Please help me figure out what to do.

It sounds like you’re struggling with two different issues. One is the question of whether you are a lesbian. The other is what to say about your sexual orientation to women you flirt with and find attractive.

That is the simpler of the two issues, because it is always easiest to be honest with people. If all you want is to dance and flirt, simply turn down offers/requests for more. If you are interested in a date, go. If you want to have a one-night stand but are not interested in an emotional commitment, be clear about that.

The question of whether you are a lesbian is ultimately one that only you can answer, for you are the only one who knows what you feel. One question you might ask yourself is how strong your feelings for women are in comparison of your feelings for men.

Women who are far more strongly attracted to other women often identify as lesbian or gay, while women who are far more strongly attracted to men typically identify as heterosexual. Women who are more evenly attracted to both women and men are more likely to identify as bisexual.

Some people prefer not to label themselves at all. It’s okay to be confused while you sort all this out. The question of “Am I Bi, Lesbian or Heterosexual?” will be answered.

For more information and sources of support, I suggest checking some of the sites listed in our Resources Department under Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender. Good luck to you!
About the Author:

Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D. is an author and psychologist. She has a psychotherapy practice in Denver, Colorado. Dr. Bernstein speaks and writes about gay, lesbian and bisexual people for both general and professional audiences, and is the author of the audiotape, NOT HETEROSEXUAL: An Educational Program About Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.