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Cost terminology in the 21st Century: using direct labor cost in a costs vs. resources framework: updating the traditional treatment of cost terms can improve business decisions

February 28th, 2010

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0OOL/is_3_5/ai_n6272115/
findarticles.com
by Parvez R. Sopariwala

Activity-based costing measures resources used for an activity by the cost driver … The resources supplied to an activity are the expenditures or the amounts spent on the activity … The difference between resources supplied and resources used is unused capacity. (1) (Emphases authors)

Labor costs have caused both confusion and controversy in costing circles. Labor costs were originally flexible costs, because workers were paid in proportion to the hours they worked … scheduling and union considerations have changed most labor costs into capacity-related costs, because even though many workers are paid on an hourly basis, their wages are guaranteed to be paid, at least in the short run, regardless if work is available. For this reason, most organizations now treat labor costs as capacity related rather than flexible. (2)

Two developments have influenced recent evolution in cost/managerial accounting literature. The first issue, suggested by Robin Cooper and Robert Kaplan, emphasizes the distinction between the cost of available, or supplied, resources and the cost of used resources. (3) It is argued that the difference between the cost of available resources and those used should not be allocated to the units produced but written off separately as a loss. Most traditional cost/managerial accounting textbooks, however, do not generate the cost of unused resources.

The other issue brings accounting terminology in line with today’s business environment. Most traditional cost/managerial accounting textbooks assume that direct or assembly labor is acquired when these services are required, thereby suggesting that direct labor costs are avoidable or are relevant for deciding the cost of a job that uses this labor. Assembly labor in today’s business environment, however, is often acquired before it is used, in which case these direct labor costs are really not avoidable or relevant in determining the cost of a certain job that uses this labor because the direct labor has already been acquired. Following this line of thought, one might reasonably argue that direct labor cost should be a fixed cost because it is paid for in advance and its payment does not vary with the number of units produced.

I argue that direct labor cost (for example, assembly cost) will always be a variable cost, whether it is acquired in advance of use or acquired when needed. Many textbooks have incorporated this and other issues. (4) But such incorporation has generally been piecemeal, and no textbook, to my knowledge, has provided a comprehensive framework of cost terminology after incorporating these two developments.

TRADITIONAL TREATMENT OF COST TERMS

Traditional cost/managerial accounting usually defines three categories of costs. A cost can be:

* Fixed or variable with respect to a level of activity for cost estimation and cost prediction purposes. (5)

* Direct or indirect to a cost object, and, in particular, be direct (or traceable) to a unit of product (e.g., direct material and direct labor) or indirect (or allocated) to a unit of product (e.g., overhead and nonmanufacturing expenses) for cost determination purposes. (6)

* Relevant (or avoidable) or irrelevant (or unavoidable) when choosing between decision-making alternatives such as make-or-buy. (7)

I use direct labor cost to highlight the differences between the traditional and contemporary treatments discussed later. (8) Assume two assembly line workers are hired at the rate of $10 per hour. Both work six hours assembling 120 units in batch #439, and together they are paid $120 (12 hours * $10 an hour) for their effort. Figure 1 shows how this transaction would be reflected using the traditional treatment of direct labor cost. For example:

* The actual cash outflow of $120 is an avoidable or relevant cost; that is, it would only be incurred if the 120 units in batch #439 need to be assembled. Hence, for direct labor to be an avoidable or relevant cost for short-term decision making, it needs to be paid on a piece-rate basis, that is, the resources of $120 are expended only after each assembly worker works six hours on batch #439.

* The direct labor cost is $120 because the use of 12 hours of assembly labor can be traced to the production of 120 units in batch #439–the work was performed solely for that batch of 120 units.

* The $120 cost is also a variable cost because the total direct labor cost is likely to vary with the number of units to be assembled in the batch. A smaller number of units in the batch, say 110 units, would have necessitated a smaller number of direct labor hours (11 or [(12 hours/120 units) * 110 units]) and, consequently, a smaller direct labor cost ($110 or [11 hours * $10 per hour]).

[FIGURE 1 OMITTED]

The implication of the traditional treatment is that direct labor costs are variable costs because they are incurred in proportion to the units produced, and these variable costs are also relevant costs because direct labor was acquired on a piece-rate basis; that is, acquired only when it was needed for the job. (9) But what if direct labor were not piece-rate? Say it was paid a fixed amount per week or month irrespective of how many hours it worked? Would it still remain a variable cost, or would it now be classified as a fixed cost since it was acquired and paid for before it was actually used? I will look at these and other questions next.

CONTEMPORARY TREATMENT OF COST TERMS

Some cost/managerial accounting textbooks have attempted to update the traditional treatment of cost terms to bring it more in line with the existing business environment where direct labor, for example, is often salaried; that is, it is not acquired on a piece-rate basis. This contemporary treatment can be seen in the following updated version of the previous example:

* Two assembly line workers are hired at $10 an hour.

* Worker A is hired on a piece-rate basis and works for six hours assembling 60 of the 120 units in batch #439 and is paid $60 (6 * $10).

* Worker B is hired on a nonpiece-rate basis, and she is paid at $10 for eight hours’ work even though she may not work for eight hours on any job. (10)

* Worker B works six hours assembling the remaining 60 of the 120 units in batch #439, spends one hour familiarizing a new intern with the intricacies of her machine, and has no work for the remaining hour. She is paid $80 [(6 1 1) * $10] for her efforts. The example highlights the following facts:

* Labor may be acquired on a piece-rate basis where a worker would be paid only for the work she performed. Worker A is one such worker, and she bears all the risk–the employer can always send her home if there is no work for her.

* Labor may be acquired on a nonpiece-rate basis where a worker would get paid for being available to do eight hours of work. Worker B is such a worker and bears a fraction of the risk borne by Worker A. The employer bears all the risk, hypothesizing there will be enough work for Worker B to justify hiring her for the eight-hour day.

* If all labor acquired on a nonpiece-rate basis is not used for the purpose it was acquired, it might be justifiable for the employer to use the worker wherever she can contribute. So even though a worker may be contracted primarily as direct or assembly labor, she may end up spending some, or all, of her time with tasks that may not directly contribute to the product or batch, or, worst of all, she may have no work.

Figure 2 shows this transaction, using a more contemporary treatment of direct labor cost.

[FIGURE 2 OMITTED]

Cost of available resources vs. cost of used resources vs. cost of unused resources

First, the contemporary treatment highlights the relatively recent development in the cost-management literature spearheaded by Cooper and Kaplan, who have emphasized the distinction between the cost of resources available (or supplied) and the cost of used resources. They suggest that products created and services provided during the year should be charged for the resources they actually use, and the balance should be considered as the cost of unused resources and written off as an expense on the income statement and not be spread over the products created and services provided during the year. The traditional treatment, on the other hand, did not highlight this distinction because it assumed that direct labor was piece-rate, and, hence, the cost of resources available was automatically equal to the cost of resources used.

Cost of available resources: Flexible vs. committed resources

Second, Figure 2 partitions the cost of available resources into the cost of committed resources, or capacity-related resources, and the cost of flexible resources. (11) In the context of the earlier example, the $60 paid to Worker A represents a flexible resource because Worker A is paid on a piece-rate basis and worked six hours on batch #439. Other examples would include raw material, electricity, and hiring temporary workers. Similarly, the $80 paid to Worker B represents a committed resource as Worker B is not paid on a piece-rate basis and essentially is available for work during the eight-hour day. The fact that Worker B worked only six hours on batch #439 has no impact on the company’s obligation to pay her $80 because they hired her for the eight-hour day. Other examples would include purchase of fixed assets, property taxes, and insurance. As a result, the total resources expended were $140, of which $60 were flexible resources and $80 were committed resources.

How is distinguishing between flexible and committed resources useful?

The significant issue in differentiating between these resources is the “timing” of the acquisition of resources. That is, were the resources acquired in advance of use (were they committed resources) or were they acquired only when they were needed (were they flexible resources)? This distinction is critical for short-term decision making as the profitability of a short-term decision depends only on the resources that have to be acquired for that purpose; that is, the decision depends on the flexible resources.

Let’s assume that a customer wants a price quote on the assembly of 120 units of her product during the following week. You estimate that it would take 12 hours of work to assemble these 120 units. Based on your operating schedule, however, you find that Worker B (the worker who is not paid on piece-rate) is expected to be free for five hours during the next week. Because you would need seven more hours, you contact Worker A (the one who is paid on a piece-rate) and find that she is available to work for seven hours next week. Before contacting the manufacturer, you need to determine your cost. Because Worker B will be paid for the next week whether she works on this new job or not, you choose to ignore that cost and concentrate primarily on the cost of $70 (7 hours * $10) that you will have to pay Worker A. Assuming that there are no other costs, you might consider $70 as your only cost and price the job at the price you believe the manufacturer is willing to pay, but above $70.

But would you always expect to spend $70 in the short run to assemble the 120 units? Not necessarily! That would depend on the number of hours that Worker B had available during that week. If Worker B had all eight hours available, the short-run cost of assembling the same 120 units would be $40. Or if Worker B had no hours available during that week, the short-run cost of assembling 120 units would be $120 because Worker A would have to be hired and paid $120 for 12 hours of work. Hence, the cost of assembling these 120 units on any future date would depend on the availability of Worker B.

On the other hand, what did it really cost you to assemble the 120 units? In other words, what cost would you be willing to use as a long-term price quote for this manufacturer? Might it be $70? No! The cost of assembling the $120 units is $120, and that cost has nothing to do with whether some of it is derived from using a flexible resource and whether some of it is derived from using a committed resource.

Distinguishing between flexible and committed resources allows one to determine the short-term profitability of a business decision, which is very similar to what traditional cost/managerial accounting textbooks discuss in their “Relevant Costs for Decision Making” or “Differential Costs for Decision Making” chapters. This view is also consistent with direct or variable costing and its later extension, throughput costing, popularized by Eli Goldratt and Jeff Cox’s The Goal, and can be distinguished from the long-term cost view popularized by the proponents of activity-based costing.

Cost of used resources: Direct vs. indirect to a batch

Because 12 hours (six hours each by Workers A and B) were used to assemble 120 units in batch #439, a total of $120 still represents direct labor cost; that is, the cost of $120 can be traced to the 120 units in batch #439. Of the remaining two hours that were available from Worker B, one hour was spent educating a new intern on the intricacies of a machine. As this training had nothing to do with batch #439 or any other batch, $10, representing one hour, is indirect to all batches. Finally, Worker A had no work for one hour. This cost of $10 is neither direct nor indirect to any batch because the hour was not spent adding value directly or indirectly to any product or batch. Hence, even though the cost of available resources is $140, the total costs that are direct or indirect to a batch are $130 ($120 $10). The balance of $10 is the cost of unused resources.

On the other hand, if the total number of units in batch #439 was 110, and Worker A had still been hired for six hours, the direct labor cost would have been $110 (five hours from Worker B and six hours from Worker A), the indirect cost (B’s one hour for training the intern) would have remained at $10, but the cost of unused resources (B’s idle time of two hours) would have increased to $20. The cost of available resources would have remained $140.

Cost of used resources: Variable vs. fixed to a unit of product

As 12 hours (six hours each by Workers A and B) were used to assemble 120 units in batch #439, a total of $120 still represents a variable cost; that is, the assembly cost varies with the number of units assembled. Hence, the cost of $120 would double to $240 if the number of units in batch #439 doubled from 120 units to 240 units. Of the remaining two hours that were available from Worker B, one hour was spent educating a new intern. This training was independent of the 120 units manufactured in batch #439 or any other units manufactured in any other batch, so its cost of $10 is unlikely to be influenced by the size of this batch or any other batch. Hence, $10, representing one hour, is a fixed cost. Finally, Worker A had no work for one hour. This cost of $10 is neither variable nor fixed with respect to a unit of product and represents the cost of unused resources. Out of the cost of available resources of $140, the costs that are either variable to fixed with respect to units of product are $130 ($120 $10), the balance of $10 being the cost of unused resources.

On the other hand, if the total number of units in batch #439 was 110, and Worker A had still been hired for six hours, the variable cost would have been $110 (five hours from Worker B and six hours from Worker A). Worker B’s one hour for training the intern would have remained a fixed cost at $10, but the cost of unused resources (B’s idle time of two hours) would have increased to $20. The cost of available resources would have remained $140.

What information does the cost of used resources provide?

While the cost of available resources represents the cost of committed and flexible resources, the cost of used resources represents how these resources were actually used. For example, were any of the resources used primarily for a certain product or batch of products? If so, the cost of those resources would be direct to the product or batch of products. Similarly, were any of the resources used in direct proportion to the number of units manufactured? If so, the cost of those resources would be variable with respect to the number of units manufactured.

Now let’s assume that a customer wants to offer you a long-term contract to assemble 120 units of her product a week. This time, however, she would like to sign a five-year contract. You estimate that it would take 12 hours of work to assemble these 120 units of product. But you are unlikely to check your operating schedule for the next week to see if Worker B is free then since you are attempting to provide a quote for the next five years and worker B may have different schedules during the next 260 weeks. For all you know, Worker B may not be with you for the next five years. You need to determine the cost of using 12 hours of your resources every week for the next five years, regardless of who will be doing the assembling or how you will be paying her (piece-rate or nonpiece-rate). If you assume that the wage rate per hour will remain at $10 over the next five years, then the long-term cost for assembly would be $120 a week, which will be both direct to the job as well as variable to the number of units manufactured.

Now it is possible that, during one week, you may find that Worker B (the worker not paid on piece-rate) works five hours on the job and Worker A (paid on a piece-rate) works the remaining seven hours. Even though you will only acquire resources for $70, your cost would still be $120 for that week–$120 being direct to the job as well as variable to the number of units. During another week, you may find that Worker B (the worker not paid on piece-rate) can work on the job all 12 hours, over two days, and Worker A (paid on a piece-rate) is not needed. Even though you have acquired no resources for this job, your cost would still be $120–again, $120 being direct to the job as well as variable to the number of units.

Hence, the long-term cost of assembling the 120 units is $120, all of it being direct to the batch as well as variable with the number of units produced, and such longterm cost has nothing to do with whether a flexible resource (Worker A) or a committed resource (Worker B) is acquired. This long-term view is consistent with full or absorption costing and its later extension, activity-based costing, popularized by Robin Cooper, Robert Kaplan, and others.

What information does the cost of unused resources provide?

Figure 2 reveals that $10, representing one hour of idle time by Worker B, is the cost of unused resources. Such cost of unused resources could represent waste or a myriad of causes needing management action. (12) One such action could be to create additional demand for the resource through additional production/sales, thereby transferring part or all of the cost of unused resources to the cost of used resources. For example, if the total number of units in batch #439 were 130, and Worker A had still been hired for six hours, the variable cost would have been $130 (seven hours from Worker B and six hours from Worker A). Worker B’s one hour for training the intern would have remained a fixed cost at $10, but there would have been no cost of unused resources as the extra unused hour was used up by the assembly of 100 additional units. The cost of available resources would have remained $140.

Another action could be to sell or dispose of one or more “chunks” of resource if the demand placed on this resource is reduced. For example, assume the total number of units in batch #439 was 40 and Worker B has enough available time to work on this batch. In that case, Worker A would not be needed. Yet if Worker B had no other assignments, four hours of her time, or $40, would be the cost of unused resources. If such a scenario repeats itself quite often, you might have to consider letting Worker B go and using Worker A whenever you have extra work. Such release of Worker B would be equivalent to disposing of a “chunk” of resource.

Can this all be synthesized into a comprehensive framework?

Figure 3 illustrates a comprehensive framework of cost terms that reveals the following steps:

1. The starting point for all discussions regarding cost terms should be the cost of resources acquired. In financial accounting terms, this is equivalent to acquiring an asset.

2. When you have determined the resources that were acquired, the next step is to decide if those resources are committed resources or flexible resources. This distinguishes the timing of the acquired resources and is useful for short-term decision making using direct or variable costing or its more recent version, throughput costing.

3. All flexible resources are used, so the cost of flexible resources is always converted into the cost of used resources. No cost of unused resources arises from the acquisition of flexible resources. On the other hand, all committed resources need not be used. The costs of committed resources are broken up into the cost of used resources and the cost of unused resources.

4. The cost of used resources is made up of the cost of flexible resources acquired (and used) and the cost of committed resources used. This cost of used resources is now the universe from which costs for cost determination purposes (direct vs. indirect cost) and costs for behavioral purposes (variable vs. fixed) are extracted.

[FIGURE 3 OMITTED]

Many traditional cost/management accounting textbooks ignore these developments. First, they fail to make a distinction between the cost of available resources and the cost of used resources. Second, they assume that direct or assembly labor is acquired when these services are required, thereby suggesting that direct labor costs are avoidable or are relevant costs for decision making. Using the piecemeal advancements from many cost/managerial accounting textbooks, one can compile a comprehensive framework for cost terminology–one that attempts to incorporate these two cost/managerial accounting developments.

(1) Michael Maher, Clyde Stickney, and Roman Weil, Managerial Accounting, seventh edition, Harcourt College Publishers, Fort Worth, Texas, 2001.

(2) Anthony Atkinson, Rajiv Banker, Robert Kaplan, and Mark Young, Management Accounting, third edition, Prentice-Hall, Upper Saddle River, N.J., 2001.

(3) Robin Cooper and Robert Kaplan, “Activity-Based Systems: Measuring the Costs of Resource Usage,” Accounting Horizons, September 1992, pp. 1-13.

(4) Examples include Atkinson, et al., 2001; Don Hansen and Maryanne Mowen, Cost Management, third edition, South-Western College Publishing, Cincinnati, Ohio, 2000; Don Hansen and Maryanne Mowen, Management Accounting, fifth edition, South-Western College Publishing, Cincinnati, Ohio, 2000; Ronald Hilton, Michael Maher, and Frank Selto, Cost Management, Irwin McGraw-Hill, Boston, Mass., 2000; Maher, et al., 2001; and Cheryl McWatters, Dale Morse, and Jerold Zimmerman, Management Accounting, second edition, Irwin McGraw-Hill, Boston, Mass., 2001.

(5) “A fixed cost is a cost that remains constant, in total, regardless of changes in the level of activity,” from Ray Garrison and Eric Noreen, Managerial Accounting, ninth edition, Irwin McGraw-Hill, Boston, Mass., 2000, p. 58; “A variable cost is a cost that varies, in total, in direct proportion to changes in the level of activity,” Garrison and Noreen, 2000, p. 57.

(6) “The term direct labor is reserved for those labor costs that can be easily (i.e., physically and conveniently) traced to individual units of product…. The labor costs of assembly-line workers, for example, would be direct labor costs, as would be the labor costs of carpenters, bricklayers, and machine operators,” Garrison and Noreen, 2000, p. 45. For this discussion, I ignore nonmanufacturing costs like sales commissions and simplistically assume that all nonmanufacturing costs are indirect to a unit of product. I also ignore the important distinctions of indirect costs provided by activity-based costing.

(7) “An avoidable cost is a cost that can be eliminated in whole or in part by choosing one alternative over another…. Avoidable costs are relevant costs. Unavoidable costs are irrelevant costs,” Garrison and Noreen, 2000, p. 616.

(8) I recognize that direct labor cost is no longer an important part of many companies’ cost structures, but I use direct labor cost because it offers an opportunity to best differentiate the diverse treatments available in the cost/managerial accounting textbooks.

(9) The only exception was the case of obsolete inventory where direct costs, such as direct materials and direct labor, were not relevant because they had already been acquired and used.

(10) For simplicity, I ignore the possibility that Worker B, not being paid on a piece-rate basis, might cost less than the $10 an hour that Worker A, a piece-rate worker, is paid.

(11) “Committed resources are purchased before they are used,” Hansen and Mowen, 2000, p. 690; “capacity-related resources are acquired and paid for in advance of when the work is done,” (Emphases authors), Atkinson, Banker, Kaplan, and Young, 2001, p. 74; “flexible resources can be easily purchased in the amount needed and at the time of use,” Hansen and Mowen, 2000, p. 690.

(12) CAM-I (Consortium for Advanced Manufacturing-International), in its attempt to explain the cost of unused resources or capacity, introduced the concepts of idle capacity and nonproductive capacity. For more details, see Thomas Klammer, Capacity Measurement & Improvement, Irwin Professional Publishing, Chicago, Ill., 1996.

Parvez R. Sopariwala, Ph.D., is a professor in the Accounting and Taxation Department, Grand Valley State University, Grand Rapids, Mich. You can contact him at sopariwp@gvsu.edu.

Parvez R. Sopariwala “Cost terminology in the 21st Century: using direct labor cost in a costs vs. resources framework: updating the traditional treatment of cost terms can improve business decisions”. Management Accounting Quarterly. FindArticles.com. 28 Feb, 2010. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0OOL/is_3_5/ai_n6272115/
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The best films of 2008… and there were a lot of them

January 23rd, 2010

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081205/COMMENTARY/812059997/1023
rogerebert.suntimes.com
by Roger Ebert

In these hard times, you deserve two “best films” lists for the price of one. It is therefore with joy that I list the 20 best films of 2008, in alphabetical order. I am violating the age-old custom that film critics announce the year’s 10 best films, but after years of such lists, I’ve had it. A best films list should be a celebration of wonderful films, not a chopping process. And 2008 was a great year for movies, even if many of them didn’t receive wide distribution.

Look at my 20 titles, and you tell me which 10 you would cut. Nor can I select one to stand above the others, or decide which should be No. 7 and which No. 8. I can’t evaluate films that way. Nobody can, although we all pretend to. A “best films” list, certainly. But of exactly 10, in marching order? These 20 stood out for me, and I treasure them all. If it had been 19 or 21, that would have been OK. If you must have a Top 10 List, find a coin in your pocket. Heads, the odd-numbered movies are your 10. Tails, the even-numbered.

I have composed a separate list of the year’s five best documentaries. They also may be described as “one of the year’s best.” And this year’s Special Jury Award goes to Guy Maddin’s “My Winnipeg,” which stands between truth and fiction, using the materials of the documentary to create a film completely preposterous and deeply true. Another of “the year’s best.”

“Ballast” A deep silence has fallen upon a Mississippi Delta family after the death of a husband and brother. Old wounds remain unhealed. The man’s son shuttles uneasily between two homes, trying to open communication by the wrong means. The debut cast is deeply convincing, and writer-director Lance Hammer observes them with intense empathy. No, it’s not a film about poor folks on the Delta; they own a nice little business, but are paralyzed by loneliness. At the end, we think, yes, that is what would happen, and it would happen exactly like that.

“The Band’s Visit” A police ceremonial band from Egypt, in Israel for a cultural exchange, ends up in a desert town far from anywhere and is taken on mercy by the bored, cynical residents. A long night’s journey marked with comedy, human nature, and bittersweet reality. Richly entertaining, with sympathetic performances by Sasson Gabai as the bandleader and Ronit Elkabetz as the owner of a local cafe. Written and directed by Eran Kolirin. Was at Ebertfest 2008.

“Che” The epic journey of a 20th century icon, the Argentinian physician who became a comrade of Fidel Castro in the Cuban Revolu- tion and then moved to South America to support revolution there. Benicio del Toro is persuasive as the fiercely ethical firebrand, in a film that includes unusual and unfamiliar chapters in Che’s life. Steven Soderbergh’s film is 257 minutes long, but far from boring. (Opens Jan. 16)

“Chop Shop” The great emerging American director Ramin Bahrani finds a story worthy of “City of God” in a no-man’s land in the shadow of Shea Stadium, where a young boy and his sister support themselves in a sprawling, off-the-books auto repair and scrap district. Alejandro Polanco and Isamar Gonzales seem to live their roles, in a masterpiece that intimately knows its world, its people and their survival tactics. It will be featured at Ebertfest 2009.

“The Dark Knight” The best of all the Batmans, Christopher Nolan’s haunted film leaps beyond its origins and becomes an engrossing tragedy. The “comic book movie” has at last reclaimed its deep archetypal currents. With a performance by Heath Ledger as the Joker that will surely win an Oscar, a Batman (Christian Bale) who is tortured by moral puzzles and a district attorney (Aaron Eckhart) forced to make impossible choices.

“Doubt” A Catholic grade school is ruled by the grim perfectionist Sister Aloysius (Meryl Streep), whose draconian rule is challenged by Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman). A young nun (Amy Adams) is caught between them, as the film shows how assumptions can be doubted, and doubted again. Viola Davis, as the mother of the school’s only black student, has one significant scene, but it is long, crucial and heartbreaking. Davis goes face to face with Streep with astonishing conviction and creates reasons for doubt that may be more important than deciding the truth. John Patrick Shanley directed and adapted his Tony Award-winning play. (Opens Friday)

“The Fall” Tarsem’s film is a mad folly, an extravagant visual orgy, a free fall from reality into uncharted realms. A wounded stunt-man, circa 1914, tells a story to a 4-year-old girl, and we see how she imagines it. It has vast romantic images so stunning, I had to check twice, three times, to be sure the film actually claims to have absolutely no computer-generated imagery. None? What about the Labyrinth of Despair, with no exit? The intersecting walls of zig-zagging staircases? The man who emerges from the burning tree? Filmed over four years in 28 countries. It will be at Ebertfest 2009.

“Frost/Nixon” The story of a duel between a crafty man and a persistent one. How many remember that the “lightweight” British interviewer David Frost was the one who finally persuaded Richard Nixon to say he had committed crimes in connection with Watergate and let his country down? With his own money riding on the interviews, Frost (Michael Sheen) is desperate after Nixon finesses him in the early sessions, but he pries away at Nixon’s need to confess. Frank Langella is uncanny as RMN. Ron Howard directs mercilessly. (Opens Friday)

“Frozen River” Melissa Leo should be nominated for her performance. She plays an hourly employee in a discount store, struggling to support two kids and a run-down trailer after her husband deserts her with their savings. After making an unlikely alliance with a Mohawk woman (Misty Upham) who was stealing her car, she finds herself a human trafficker, driving Chinese across the ice into the United States. A spellbinding thriller, yes, but even more a portrait of economic struggle in desperate times. Written and directed by Courtney Hunt. It will be at Ebertfest 2009.

“Happy-Go-Lucky” Here’s another nominee for best actress — Sally Hawkins, playing a cheerful schoolteacher who seems improbably upbeat until we win a glimpse into her soul. No, she’s not secretly depressed. She’s genuinely happy, but that hasn’t made her stupid or afraid. Mike Leigh’s uncanny ability to find drama in ordinary lives is used with genius, as the teacher encounters a driving instructor (Eddie Marsan) as negative as she is positive. Not a feel-good movie. Not at all. But strangely inspiring.

“Iron Man” Like “Spider-Man 2″ and “The Dark Knight,” another leap forward for the superhero movie. Robert Downey Jr. and director Jon Favreau reinvent Tony Stark as a conflicted, driven genius who has a certain plausibility, even when inundated by special effects. So successful are they that in the climactic rooftop battle between two towering men of steel, we know we’re looking almost entirely at CGI, and yet the creatures embody character and emotion. Downey hit bottom, as everyone knows. Now he has triumphantly returned.

“Milk” Sean Penn, one of our greatest actors, locks up an Oscar nomination with his performance as Harvey Milk, the first self-identified gay elected to U.S. public office. At age 40, Milk was determined to do “something different” with his life. He’s open to change. We see how the everyday experiences of this gay man politicize him, and how his instincts allow him to become a charismatic leader, while always acknowledging the sexuality that society had taught him to conceal. One of the year’s most moving films.

“Rachel Getting Married” After seeing this film, people told me, “I wanted to attend that wedding” or “I wish I’d been there.” It’s that involving. Jonathan Demme doesn’t lock down one central plot, but considers the ceremony as a wedding of close and distant family, old and new friends, many races, many ages, many lifestyles, all joined amid joyous homemade music. His camera is so observant, we feel like a guest really does feel. Rosemarie DeWitt as Rachel and Anne Hathaway as her sister generate tricky sibling tension.

“The Reader” A drama taking place mostly within the mind of a postwar German who has an affair at 14 with a woman he later discovers is a war criminal. Her own secret is so shameful, she would rather face any sentence than reveal it. The film addresses the moral confusion felt in those who came after the Holocaust but whose lives were painfully twisted by it. Directed by Stephen Daldry, with David Kross as the younger protagonist, and Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes as the older ones. (Opening Dec. 25)

“Revolutionary Road” The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit and his wife find hell in the suburbs. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, in two of the best performances of the year, play a young married couple who lose their dreams in the American corporate world and its assigned roles. Sam Mendes reads minds when words aren’t enough, and has every detail right — including the chain-smoking by those who find it a tiny consolation in inconsolable lives. (Opens Jan. 2)

“Shotgun Stories” You’ll have to search for it, but worth it. In a “dead-ass town,” three brothers find themselves in a feud with their four half-brothers. It’s told like a revenge tragedy, but the hero doesn’t believe the future is written by the past. Written and directed by Jeff Nichols, it avoids the obvious and shows a deep understanding of the lives and minds of ordinary young people in a skirmish of the class war. The dialogue rings true, the camera is deeply observant. The film was the audience favorite at Ebertfest 2008.

“Slumdog Millionaire” Danny Boyle’s improbable union of quiz-show suspense and the harrowing life of a Mumbai orphan. Growing from a garbage pit scavenger to the potential winner of a fortune, his hero uses his wits and survival instinct to struggle against crushing handicaps. A film that finds exuberance despite the tragedy it also gives full weight to. The locations breathe with authenticity.

“Synecdoche, New York” The year’s most endlessly debated film. Screenwriter Charles Kaufman (”Adaptation,” “Being John Malkovich”), in his directing debut, stars Philip Seymour Hoffman as a theater director mired in a long-running rehearsal that may be life itself. Much controversy about the identities and even genders of some of the characters, in a film that should never be seen unless you’ve already seen it at least once.

“W.” To general surprise, Oliver Stone’s biography of George W. Bush is empathetic and understanding, perhaps because Stone himself is a blueblood Ivy League graduate who could never quite win his father’s approval. Josh Brolin gives a nuanced portrayal that seems based on the known facts, showing the president as subservient to Vice President Cheney and haunted by old demons.

“WALL-E” The best science-fiction movie in years was an animated family film. WALL-E is a solar-powered trash compacting robot, left behind to clean up the waste after Man flees into orbit. Hugely entertaining, wonderfully well drawn, and, if you think about it, merciless in its critique of a global consumer culture that obsesses on intake and disregards the consequences of output.

* * *

Every year I name a winner of my Special Jury Prize, so named in honor of the “alternative first prize” given by juries at many festivals. This year (roll of the drums) the honored film is:

“My Winnipeg” Guy Maddin’s latest dispatch from inside his imagination is a “history” of his home town, which becomes a mixture of the very slightly plausible, the convincing but unlikely, the fantastical, the fevered, the absurd, the preposterous, and the nostalgic. Oddly enough, when it’s over, you have a deeper and, in a crazy way, more “real” portrait of Winnipeg than a conventional doc might have provided–and certainly a far more entertaining one. Will be at Ebertfest 2009.

Five documentaries in equal first place:

“Encounters at the End of the World” Werner Herzog moseys around to see who he will meet and what he will see at the South Pole. The population here seems made of travelers beyond our realm, all with amazing personal histories. In a spellbinding film, Herzog finds a great deal of humor, astonishing underwater creatures, permanent occupants such as seals and penguins and the possibility of a bleak global future.

“I.O.U.S.A.” A film to make sense of the current economic crisis. The U.S. national debt has doubled in the last eight years, we can’t make the payments, the world holds our mortgage, and it can’t afford for us to default. So the same unsupported currency seems to circulate one step ahead of disaster. Not a partisan film. Experts of all political persuasions look at our bookkeeping and agree it is insane.

“Man on Wire” On Aug. 7, 1974, a Frenchman named Philippe Petit, having smuggled two tons of equipment to the top of the towers of the World Trade Center, strung a wire between them, and walked back and forth eight times. The doc combines period footage and re-created scenes to explain how he did it, and mystically, why. We know he made it, so how does this film generate such suspense?

“Standard Operating Procedure” About what photographs are and how we see them, focusing on the infamous prison torture photographs from Abu Ghraib. Errol Morris’ scrutiny reveals what was really happening, and why, and how the photographs do not always show what they seem to. He introduces the name of Charles Graner, who always stayed in the shadows, but without whom there might have been no photos at all.

“Trouble the Water” A few days before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, a young couple from the Ninth Ward named Scott and Kimberly Rivers Roberts bought a camcorder. As the rains began to fall, they began to film, even while trapped by rising waters inside their attic. Their astonishing footage, unlike any other, is incorporated by Carl Deal and Tia Lessin into a documentary that shows why Brownie was not doing a great job, not at all. This film also will be at Ebertfest 2009.

Looking back over the list, I think most moviegoers will have heard of only about 11, because distribution has reached such a dismal state. I wrote to a reader about “Shotgun Stories,” “I don’t know if it will play in your town.” She wrote back, “How about my state?” This is a time when home video, Netflix and the good movie channels come to the rescue. My theory that you should see a movie on a big screen is sound, but utopian.

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Spring 2008 Movies

January 23rd, 2010

http://filmtvindustry.suite101.com/article.cfm/spring_2008_movies
suite101.com
Lindsay Foss

Comedy

Leatherheads, starring George Clooney, Renee Zellwegger and John Kraninski, follow a struggling American pro-football league in 1925. Team leader, Dodge Connolly (Clooney) recruits a war-hero and football star, Carter Rutherford (Kraninski) in the hopes of bringing in more money for the team. When reporter, Lexie Littleton (Zellwegger) doubts Rutherford’s war past and beings to search for the truth, the team realizes they have bigger problems than a low cash flow. Opens April 4, 2008.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler star together in Baby Mama, a story about a businesswoman, Kate Holbrook (Fey) who is ready to have a child, but is incapable of getting pregnant. Kate asks Angie Ostrowiski (Poehler), a colorful working girl, to be a surrogate. Their opposite personalities collide when Angie moves into Kate’s apartment. Opens April 25, 2008.
Drama

Based on a true story, 21 is about a gifted young M.I.T student, Ben Campbell (Jim Sturgess) who can’t afford his tuition and joins a group of intellectual students who gamble in Las Vegas every weekend. Led by a math professor, Mickey Rosa (Kevin Spacey), the students have perfected the art of counting cards. Opens March 28, 2008.

Stop-Loss is a war-drama, starring Ryan Phillippe as Sgt. Brandon King, a war hero who returns to his home in Texas after serving his time in Iraq. King attempts to return to some kind of normalcy with his family and best friend, Steve (Channing Tatum), but his time is cut short when he is called back to Iraq. Opens March 28, 2008.
Family

In the depths of the Nool Jungle, an elephant notices a speck of dust fly by and hears a cry for help. It turns out that this is no ordinary speck of dust, but a very small community named Who-ville. Jim Carrey, Steve Carrel, Carol Burnett and many other talented actors provide their voices for the animated version of Dr. Suess’, Horton Hears a Who! Opens March 14, 2008.

Nim (Abigail Breslin) has an active imagination, which involves her literary adventurer, Alex Rover. When Nim’s father (Gerald Butler) disappears, Nim sends a letter to Alex Rover, asking for help. The author of the Alex Rover series, who’s name incidentally happens to be, Alexandra Rover (Jodie Foster), receives the letter and feels compelled to help, but suffers from agoraphobia. With the help of her own active imagination, Alexandra musters up the courage to aid Nim. Nim’s Island hits theatres on April 4, 2008.
Action/Adventure

Car dealer, Terry Leather (Jason Statham), has a new life and a new family, but when he receives word of a foolproof bank robbery from someone from his past, he just can’t bring himself to turn down the opportunity. Terry soon discovers, however, that the heist is not so foolproof after all. The Bank Job is based on a real bank heist that occurred in 1971 in London, England. Opens March 7, 2008.

An epic tale of courage, love and persistence, 10,000 B.C. follows young Yaghl tribe member, D’Leh (Steven Strait), who leads a pack of hunters in pursuit of a group of warlords who ravaged his village and kidnapped his people, including his love, Evolet (Camilla Belle). Battling the elements, the landscape and prehistoric creatures, D’Leh will not rest until his people are released. Opens March 7, 2008.

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2008 Movie Awards Summary

January 23rd, 2010

http://www.mtv.com/ontv/movieawards/2008/
mtv.com

2008 Movie Awards Summary
The 2008 MTV Movie Awards were a really big deal, complete with every movie star and all the biggest names in music. Also featured: SNL Reunions, creepy costumes, elaborate accents and, of course, Sex (& The City), drugs and full-frontal nudity. Here are a few highlights that made the night totally unforgettable.

Host Mike Myers ( The Love Guru , Shrek The Third , Austin Powers ) and old buddy Dana Carvey ( The Master Of Disguise , Little Nicky , This Is Spinal Tap ) reunited to bring back Wayne’s World , cracking fart and boner jokes at age 53. Monumental.

Meanwhile, on the music side, Coldplay unveiled an appropriately cinematic single called “Viva La Vida,” playing it live for the first time. The Pussycat Dolls backed them up, bringing the heat on a live rendition of “When I Grow Up.” Finally, to make sure the crowd was really feeeeling the bands (man), Seth Rogen and James Franco ( Pineapple Express , Knocked Up , Freaks And Geeks) brought the weed. TONS of it. But don’t sweat it, moms. We’re about 90% sure that the monster joint they fired up onstage was a fake.

Megan Fox and Rainn Wilson In other highlights, Lindsay Lohan and Diddy spoofed then-super-contentious-Presidential-nominees Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, wrestling over an envelope as Golden Popcorn presenters. Johnny Depp graced the stage twice to accept awards for his performance in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End , looking significantly younger as the night went on. WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING HIM? To keep the guys happy, we gave Megan Fox ( TRANSFORMERS , Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen ) ample screentime, but Rainn Wilson (The Office’s Dwight Schrute) beat you to her. And it didn’t hurt that he was stark naked and bearing gifts.

Speaking of gifts, undeniably gifted Project Runway alumnus Christian Siriano turned our Gold Carpet into a hot tranny mess, catching up with the celebs as they arrived. And who were these celebs? Well, to name a few… Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Sex & The City star Sarah Jessica Parker, Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr., Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Paris Hilton, Juno stars Ellen Page and Michael Cera and The Hills stars Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Whitney Port, Brody Jenner and Audrina Partridge. And that’s just a tiny fraction of the Earth-shattering star power at the 2008 MTV Movie Awards.

For a better taste of exactly what went down at the 2008 MTV Movie Awards, dig through our archive of clips, photos and interviews! See you at the 2009 MTV Movie Awards!

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Stop Crying and Get Over It – Breaking Up

January 23rd, 2010

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Articles/Break-Up/stop-crying-and-get-over-it.html
girlsaskguys.com
By Hot-Alpha-Female

Breaking up has got to be one of the suckiest times in our lives. I wish someone had warned me about how painful they really can be. But apparently I missed that memo. Getting back on your feet again and learning to trust someone again is a journey in itself. But ultimately break-ups lead to us understanding life, relationships and ourselves much more. Despite this it’s TOUGH. So I’m here to help by listing some of the inevitable stages of a break-up and what you can do about them to GET OVER IT!

Denial
First comes the fact that you even recognize that there is a problem and that he/she actually told you that they are breaking up with you. Essentially you are waiting for the “Hahahaha just kidding babe, I want you back”. But nothing seems to arrive.

Bargaining
Then comes the bargaining. This is usually the point where we want to make it work once last time. This can be dangerous as it can sometimes end up with you having the one last fling with your ex or attempting to give up some of your emotional needs just to save the relationship. This is where the pleading to save the relationship comes in and there is still an inch of hope that the relationship will last.

Get over it technique
If you want to talk to your ex then make sure that you are composed and that you are not going to lash out with them. The key is communication, not yelling, screaming, crying, pleading and door slamming. If you know that you can refrain from this, then talk to them and tell have an open and honest conversation with them without getting upset. Ask yourself if he wanted to take me back 2moro, would I honestly want him back? Or am I just emotionally needy at the moment?

Depression
This is where break-ups suck the most. You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. Life seems to lose all meaning. And for some reason you have thought about them more in the last week than the past 2 years you had been dating them. The amount of time spent in this stage depends on the person, but
eventually you are going to have to be the one that says enough is enough!

Get over it technique
To counter this, the best thing to do is to talk to friends, family and any poor soul who is willing to listen. For girls, get all your girlfriends together or get someone close to you to really listen to how you feel. Talk everything out, because it makes you feel so much better.

If you are tempted to call your ex .. call your best friend instead. The worse thing that you can do is to spend time alone! Make sure you book yourself out and keep yourself busy, because you are less tempted to wallow in your own self-pity.

For the guys – Try and hang out more with your mates .. you know the ones you neglected while you had a girlfriend. They will probably welcome you with open arms, because they haven’t seen you recently anyway. You guys should do whatever you do to make you feel better. I know talking doesn’t help you as much as it helps chicks .. So engross yourself in a sport that you have forgotten, Xbox, beer, grunting … whatever makes you happy and takes your mind of your ex.

Anger
So you’re not so sad anymore, now you’re just plain pissed off!! All that depression of wanting them back has turned into hoping that they are just as miserable as you are. Thoughts that may cross your mind include, wanting to get them back, hoping that they hurt just as much as you do ..
and for some reason wanting to get all your stuff back from his/her place. Many people say here for a while. But it’s best not to linger here too long, because the anger builds into resentment and starts eating into your spirit. It starts affecting your relationships around you and you begin to ponder on all the things that you did wrong or that they did wrong.

Get over it technique
List the things that you really liked in them as a person and the things that you did not like. Then focus more on what you would like in an ideal relationship. Understand that they are not the enemy and tell yourself, that if they had a choice to do the same thing and not hurt you in the
process then they probably would have chosen that outcome. Do your best to convert your hating thoughts into loving thoughts. Just think more along the lines of .. the more negative energy you direct to them, then the more you let them win. So do your best to stop it.

Acceptance
Finally you reached the last stage. This I believe is the best stage of any break-up! For some reason the acceptance that things are finally over, gives you a great sense of peace. The struggling to try and make things work is finally over and you can start clearing all that old energy from your life. This is time where you can pick yourself up from the ground and
dust yourself off and yell NEXT!!!

Get over it technique
This is a process where you can really start to reflect on where it went wrong from a more rational point of view. This is a good time to divert all your energies that you used to spend with your ex to spending more time with yourself. Go do things that you used to love doing. Replace dinners that you used to have with your ex with dinners and dates with your mates and family. Re-ignite the passions that you used to have about certain things, but you dropped because you spent all your extra time with your ex. Pick up a new sport, try something that you have never done before. Discover some of the bad relationship habits you had in the last one and see if you can work on them. It is at this stage where I delved into a lot of personal development.

I read a lot of books in regards to dating, attracting ideal partners and the one book, which I read called The power of intention, really helped me build the belief that everything happens for a reason. So in other words this break-up HAD to happen to teach me something about myself that I have to learn, so that I could have a better relationship in the future. This is a great time to practice a lot of self-care. To discover whole new reasons why you love yourself. To do things that you can only do when you are single. Embrace this time. It’s liberating, carefree and insightful!

Clear the ex OUT!
There is one thing that I have to add. The healing process after acceptance can only come if your ex is well and truly out of your life. I see so many questions on here with people who are still in contact with their ex’s and I think that this only delays the healing process. Breaking up with someone requires a lot of strength and helps you build that muscle so you know that you CAN stand on your own two feet. It’s a time where you can really understand that no one can take away your happiness unless you let them.

To keep you from talking to your ex. Tell yourself that you can be friends with them, after you have found a new partner. This usually is an easier let down then thinking to yourself that you will never speak to them ever again, as this can make the whole process harder. Usually once you have found a new partner you will find out that you don’t need your ex in your life anyways.

Also be sure to remove any pictures or anything that reminds you of your ex. Don’t go to places that you used to go with them all the time. Don’t listen to songs that you considered as “yours”. Take their number out of your phone and tell yourself that if they are meant to be in your life then you will find a way to get in contact with them later on down the track. Gather all the things that remind you of your ex and place them in a box and either throw it away or put it in a safe place.

Also do your best not to think about them. It takes work but you can actually direct the focus of your thoughts. So instead of thinking how great or bad your relationship was, this of how awesome it will be when you meet the right person again.

Come up with some positive affirmations such as ” I get to fall in love all over again!, ” I have a lot to give to someone deserving of my love”, “I trust that the ideal person will walk into my life when the time is right”. Whatever you find works well with you.

One last thing. Get a diary. When you are feeling down then write how you feel, get it all out on paper. Always make sure to end the entry on a positive note though =)

With that said, while breaks really can be tough, it is nice knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. After a bit of time has passed you can really look back on your last relationship and appreciate it for all the good times you had while in it. They made you part of who you are today and you could not replace those wonderful memories for the world.

Hot Alpha Female
What is an Alpha Female and what makes her so special? How does she date her guys and what kind of issues does she have to face? Hot Alpha Female is a blog, dedicated for chicks by a chick. (Although I do get a lot of male readers) We tackle issues of dating, dating and more dating and bring out things that need to be discussed and discuss it!

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Get Over It

January 23rd, 2010

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/single_urban_women/81738
suite101.com
Brenda

Three weeks after the break-up, I expected nothing less. In fact, I was quite sure that, from what I could tell by her actions, Sally couldn’t have been healthier. She was rehashing not only what he had done wrong, but admitting as well what it was that she had done to contribute to the relationship’s demise. Sporadic crying, just a hint of anger, a few what-ifs. I felt for sure that Sally was moving through the stages of loss with appropriate speed and amazing accuracy. She could have written a book about it.

I talked to Sally only three or four times in the following weeks. It was tax season and since I worked for the head of the tax department at the time, I was (needless to say) tired. And cranky. And not just a little bit frustrated. Single (aka, sans boyfriend) at the time, I didn’t even have the time, much less the energy, to put on makeup again after work, let alone date. April 15th loomed like this glorious holy grail in the distance. Just. Gotta. Make. It. Three. More. Weeks.

Whew. Spring…what better season is there unless it’s fall? New clothes, new shoes. New social life. I had missed half of it, but I was hell-bent on catching up. I checked in on Sally from time to time, but honestly, bad friend that I was, there was much more interest in taking back my life than in just about anything else. There were dates to be had, a house to be cleaned. My precious Sparky to get to know again. I worked hard for months – it was time to play hard again.

Summer rolled around. Nights out with the girls were a weekly event, sometimes more often than that. I was dating this twenty-something guy in a band (almost a requisite for the summer), flirting madly with another guy who shared my love for John Cheever, and had just met the most intriguing man around for a long time (later to become the well-known, prolifically written-about, BF). Life was good. Then I got a phone call from Sally.

It had been at least two months since I’d really talked with her. Granted, I had been busy, but I also felt guilty for not being there for her more. Still, last time I’d checked, Sally was well on her way to recovery. Or so I thought.

“It’s been five months and 23 days since we broke up. And the asshole still hasn’t called to return my CD collection of Brazilian music. He knows how much I love the bossa nova.”

I was stumped. And speechless, which for those of you who know me, is quite rare. I frankly didn’t know what to say. So I segued into a neutral subject, shoes. (Okay, so it isn’t neutral, you either love shoes or you aren’t from the planet I’m from, but I thought it was a safe bet.)

“Did I tell you about the time he threw up on my shoes after a Toadies concert? Did I tell you that he never even offered to buy me replacements, let alone say that he was sorry? And for that matter, I think that he drank too much when we were together. There was that one time in Austin when he…”

Enough already. How long had it been? I started to count backwards, thinking about those winter nights she cried into my mulled wine. I didn’t have to try to remember…after ten minutes of the Austin story, she told me again. It was five months ago. Five months and 23 days. And two and a half hours.

What kind of madness is this?

To be fair, I remember being 19. And 24. And 27, in fact. And being heartbroken. And jilted. And all those horrible adjectives that go along with being the One Who Was Dumped. Having dated for fifteen plus years (give or take a marriage or two), I knew all the chapters well. I had lived through them. I grew wiser.

And I soon (like after fifteen minutes) grew tired of listening to this crap.

Before you call me cold and callous, think about it. I’ve had friends who, God bless them, have gone through divorce. Who have found that oh-so-scary lump in their breast. Who have waited for test results. Who have lost their soul mate. Who have lost just about everything dear to them. I have one friend who’s run the gamut. She, to this day, rarely speaks unkindly of those who have caused her ill. She wishes them well (understanding that we all have our own demons to conquer), she picks herself up, and she gets on with it. She is my hero. It is rather unfortunate that Sally cannot (or more accurately, WILL not) drink from the same fountain.

So I let her go on and on. Then I told her to get over it. Not really in those words, mind you – I do have a slight sense of decorum – but nonetheless, I told her

her that maybe the reason why her roommate avoids her is because she won’t give the dead relationship its proper burial.

I didn’t hear from Sally again for a while. The occasional e-mail (which I soon learned to ignore, since his name popped up with alarming frequency) was all the communication we had for a while. I never responded to her statements (or queries) regarding the one she once loved. I simply ignored them. Remember those girls in high school who, when fearing they were with child, thought that ignoring the problem would make it go away? I, too, sought out the “ignorance is bliss” regime. It didn’t work.

Finally, eight months and several awkward and slightly hostile phone calls/e-mails later, I stopped talking to Sally. Now, a year later, I find myself wondering whatever happened to her.

Did she find another willing participant in her game of delaying real life? Did she find some sucker to listen to her wax bitter about her since-then-moved-on-and-happily-married ex? (Author’s note: they’re expecting. He hasn’t mentioned her once.)

Okay, I concede it sucks to be the one left behind. I think the world about the guy I’m dating (faults and all, he’s the best thing I’ve been around in forever). If we were to really break up, to truly part ways and never again see each other, I’d be…well, to tell the truth, I don’t know what I’d be. But I can tell you this.

Eight months later, I wouldn’t be obsessing with my girlfriends about him.

Get over it.

Read more at Suite101: Get Over It http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/single_urban_women/81738/3#ixzz0dRBoU3Kg

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Get over it and get on with your life

January 23rd, 2010

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_9_61/ai_n26906127/
findarticles.com
by Lynette R. Holloway

YOUR sweetheart of two years calls and asks that you meet him for dinner after work. You arrive at your favorite restaurant prepared for a romantic evening. He looks nervous. Maybe he’s going to pop the question. But you’re barely seated when he blurts out: “It’s not working!”

He’s not the best communicator, you figure. So you sit there for two hours trying to work it out. You suggest going to his place for more privacy, but he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. He obviously has made up his mind. When you leave the restaurant, your heart sinks, again, because his body language tells you that it is truly over. But the biggest clue should have been when he told you that he met somebody else.

How do you begin to pick up the pieces after such an emotional blow? The fact is, the act of breaking up is a process that’s as old as time. But each time a person goes through a breakup, whether it’s with a spouse or a girlfriend or boyfriend, it still feels like the first time, and people think they are never going to get over it.

The good news is that you have healed from past hurts, and you will heal from this one. The human spirit is abundantly resilient. The key is to take time out for yourself to recover. Sisters, resist the urge to spend hours lying on the couch cuddled up with a gallon of ice cream while watching the cable channel that is dedicated to stories of scorned women who exact revenge on cheating ex-lovers. You don’t want to get any ideas.

Instead, go to a day spa (if funds are low, your bathroom can work just as well!), try yoga or kickboxing, or take a long fitness walk or run, all of which are great ways to combat stress and depression. How did you spend your time before the relationship? Reconnect with friends and family by going out to dinner or to the movies. Join a club or take a class.

Brothers, don’t move on so quickly to the next girlfriend. You are not emotionally ready to jump into a new relationship, even though you think you are, says William Fredrick Cooper, author of Six Days in January, a novel that explores the heart of an African-American man damaged by love.

“Instead of taking time to be alone, many of us move into the next relationship without a hiatus, further adding to the dysfunction,” Cooper says. “The joy is fleeting because the newness wears off and the mistakes from the past are often repeated. When you don’t learn the lesson, the repercussions are more painful with each experience.”

In the end, the transitional woman winds up hurt and confused because her new man is emotionally unavailable. The man wonders why he continues to encounter the same kind of women and problems.

The best way to avoid such patterns is to grieve the loss of a relationship in the same way you would mourn the death of a loved one, says Audrey B. Chapman, a therapist in private practice in Washington, D.C., who has written several best-selling relationship books, including Getting Good Loving: Seven Ways to Find Love and Make It Last. She says there are stages of loss that many people do not realize they must experience in order to move on.

The stages, according to Chapman, are denial (You don’t believe it’s over. You wait for the phone to ring); anger or depression (”It’s usually one or the other,” Chapman says. “You want to work on the anger because it releases depression.”); pain (”Once you start releasing the depression, you will feel pain and sadness,” Chapman says. “This is all normal.”); guilt and shame (Don’t kick yourself because you missed red flags going into the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes.); bargain (This is when people try to get back together with the person and patch things up.); and acceptance (When you accept that it’s over, you are ready to move on.).

The phases can be thrown off course if you return to your ex in any fashion, whether it is talking to him or her on the telephone or hanging out with them with a group of friends. “You are not going to move through these phases very well at all if you continue to see or encounter the person,” Chapman says. “That’s why a lot of people don’t get through a breakup or a loss, because they continue to be in touch with that individual. In order to get through it and get to the other side, you must grieve. You can’t hold on to the person and grieve.”

If children are involved, you must be cordial to your ex for the sake of the children, but do not feel obligated to do “the family thing,” such as having dinner or attending baseball games as a couple. It sends the wrong message to the child, who becomes hopeful that “mommy and daddy are getting back together.” And it does not help you to move forward.

To move forward, Cooper suggests what he calls “The Five R’s”–relax, recover, reflect, resolve and resume.

“Relax,” Cooper says. “Put that telephone down. Don’t call the next woman for companionship because your heart is broken. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a man do this, I’d be a millionaire. What are you afraid of? Give yourself some time to think breathe and recharge your emotional batteries. Take that necessary timeout to be by yourself so that you can recover.”

During this time-out period, Cooper says, it is necessary to reflect on the past. He advises men to take an honest look at the recently ended relationship and to look honestly at themselves. “Yeah, the sex may have been awesome,” he says, “but what about the 22 or 21 or 20 hours of communication outside of the bedroom?”

Additionally, Cooper suggests pondering whether the ex-partner was your best friend as well as an emotional nurturer and lover. Were there similar interests? What could have been done to avoid the breakup? What did I do wrong?

After searching for answers to the above questions and others, both men and women should be able to resolve their personal issues. “Finding answers to what can or cannot be controlled within the confines of love is a major part of the healing process,” Cooper says. He adds that finding peace within your spirit can help you resume the process of sharing your life with someone special.

“Brothers, always think optimistically when a relationship leaves us,” Cooper says. “Instead of keeping it all inside and cultivating destructive tendencies, try this thought: ‘Hey, that woman was merely in the way of the queen who awaits me.’ This thought helps in our effort to show our hearts to deserving women. And when we give a Sister this, we close the chasm that exists between us and our queens-in-waiting.”
COPYRIGHT 2006 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning

Lynette R. Holloway “Get over it and get on with your life”. Ebony. FindArticles.com. 23 Jan, 2010. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_9_61/ai_n26906127/
COPYRIGHT 2006 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2008 Gale, Cengage Learning

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What is social anxiety disorder

December 23rd, 2009

http://www.health24.com/mind/Anxiety/1284-1295,18543.asp
health24.com

Social anxiety disorder (SAD), is as its name suggests an anxiety disorder, and is also known as social phobia. A phobia is an irrational fear resulting in a conscious avoidance of the specific feared object, activity or situation.

In SAD the intense and persistent fear is of being in the company of unfamiliar people, scrutiny by others in a social situation, or a fear of behaving in a way that might cause embarrassment, humiliation and/or ridicule.

While it is normal for people to experience anxiety about certain social or performance situations such as job interviews or public speaking, the person with SAD experiences persistent, extreme anxiety out of proportion to the actual situation. The very normality of social anxiety has meant that SAD is often undiagnosed.

The person becomes anxious as he/she anticipates humiliation and embarassment days or weeks before the dreaded event (anticipatory anxiety). During the event he/she is immediately anxious and extremely uncomfortable throughout. After the event, the person may be plagued by concerns about their performance and how others judged them or thought of them. In this way a vicious circle is created.

The person may feel that everyone else is far more competent in public and that he/she is not. Small mistakes may appear much more serious than they really are and the person feels that his/her every move or reaction is noticeable to others. Blushing may in itself be painfully humiliating to the person.

SAD can be limited to only specific situations. The most common anxiety-provoking social situation is public speaking. However, other situations such as signing cheques or contracts before witnesses, using public toilets, eating and drinking in public, and talking on the phone may also cause anxiety.

In some cases, fears are more generalised and include most social situations.

The intense anxiety may lead to avoidance behaviour. Children may not be able to avoid feared situations and may be unable to identify the nature of their anxiety. When the person faces the feared situation, it is endured with great anxiety and discomfort.

Adolescents and adults with SAD realise that their anxiety is irrational and excessive but are unable to control it. This is not, however, always the case in children.

SAD shouldn’t be confused with shyness. Shy people may feel very uneasy around others but do not experience the same anxiety in anticipation of the event and do not typically avoid social situations. People with SAD are not necessarily shy. They may be completely at ease in social situations most of the time and the anxiety only surfaces in certain situations.

Anxiety can take the form of panic attacks during or before the feared situation.

The fears and anxiety cause great distress to the person and/or may be so intense and overwhelming that it significantly interferes with work or school, social life or other activities. For example, a person may not reach his potential in his career because he is anxious in the presence of authority figures or colleagues, or too anxious to go for a job interview.

In children, there may be a decline in school performance due to test anxiety or classroom participation, school refusal or avoidance of age-appropriate social activities.

As social situations are often avoided, many people with SAD do not develop important life and social skills. In severe cases, people do not have friends and refrain from dating.

SAD is often accompanied by another psychiatric disorder, especially another anxiety disorder such as panic disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder, or depression. As people with SAD often “self-medicate” by drinking alcohol or taking drugs, they are at risk of developing substance abuse or dependence. SAD usually precedes these disorders. – Ilse Pauw, health24

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Normal Worry versus Generalized Anxiety Disorder

December 19th, 2009

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/normal-worry-versus-generalized-anxiety-disorder/
psychcentral.com
By John Hauser, M.D.

People with GAD are the worry experts. It’s not uncommon for people with the disorder to assume that they are locked into daily uncontrollable worry. Untreated, these individuals learn to compensate in other ways, often settling for a lower quality of life; resigning themselves to physical and emotional discomfort.

This silent suffering can make diagnosing GAD difficult. It’s also further complicated because a certain amount of anxiety and worry are normal and other medical disorders can be involved as well.

If someone suspects they have GAD, it’s very important for them to reflect on what situations cause anxious feelings, how long they have experienced these feelings and if the worry is reasonable.

For example, someone in their 30s with no medical problems who has had two normal physical examinations in the past six months but spends the day worrying about their health may be experiencing GAD.

Most people with GAD describe themselves as constant worriers and acknowledge that this approach to situations is something they have done their entire lives. Often others describe them as “high strung,” “nervous” or “tense.”

But it’s helpful to recognize this constant anxiety as a treatable disorder, not a quirk or an inherent character weakness. Remember that heightened anxiety or worry has a purpose, but for people with GAD, routine activities are perceived as risky and this perception is strong and steadfast.

While always present to a degree, GAD usually has a waxing and waning course. Regardless of the ups and downs, however, some GAD sufferers will become so consumed with worry that they can’t function.

Their worlds shrink down until they can’t work at all; or, if they can be employed, it can only be jobs that have few demands and responsibilities. In addition, they need to recruit people into their lives who can compensate for their excessive worry. For example, the marriage partner with GAD might relinquish all the financial responsibilities, creating an unequal distribution of responsibilities in the relationship.

Excessive worry may change though the lifecycle in patients with GAD. For example, as children/students, the focus of distress might be grades, clothing or getting into the “right” school. These objects of concern can become so intense that studying becomes impossible.

In adulthood, different themes emerge. For example, concern over the health of the family might intensify to the point that it’s impossible to allow a child to walk from the front door to a school bus without fearing for their safety. Anxiety over job security and/or promotion can reach the point that it actually interferes with performance because the worry interferes with the ability to concentrate on anything else.

For older people, end of life issues become the focus. Themes of catastrophic thinking may include who will take care of them if they become ill or what should they do with their money?

While the themes may vary with age and from person to person, the common thread is the same: chronic and exaggerated worry over situations and topics that can’t be turned off at will. Whether it’s an uncommon dread of missing appointments, worry about routine tasks, such as needing to change the car oil, or daily concern about finances despite being financially secure, the thoughts can interfere with daily life functions.

GAD, however, is not limited to affecting emotions. Individuals with GAD describe equally distressing physical symptoms . Excessive muscle tension can result in muscle spasms and chronic joint and muscle pain. Too much acid produced in the stomach can lead to digestive problems.

Because of this, GAD sufferers feel miserable and actively seek relief from these physical symptoms. It’s estimated that as many as 10 percent of the people who repeatedly make visits to health-care providers have GAD.

Despite many visits to a medical professional, people with GAD are often not diagnosed with the disorder until a secondary illness manifests, such as depression. Perhaps this occurs from becoming overwhelmed with, in addition to constant daily worry, new job or school responsibilities.

Or, perhaps there’s a problem of substance abuse due to self-medication. Maybe associated physical symptoms, such as severe abdominal pain, become unresponsive to medication prescribed by a primary care physician.

Regardless of the reason, once diagnosed, GAD is very treatable. Treatment methods include medication and cognitive-behavior therapy. Having a diagnosis by a medical professional helps the person accept that this is a real disorder and treatment can be refocused on the underlying cause for physical and emotional pain.

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